I think she probably found writing the check to be liberating.
Just like driving the minivan and paying twice as much for gas is liberating.
Just like not being able to participate in the day to day caretaking of the kids is liberating, so much so that she begged to clean the house.
Just like realizing that the fact that she wasn't paying for car insurance or cell phone and that I was carrying that load for her was liberating.
Just like the fact that D13 treats her like S h i t when they talk is liberating.
Amy, you know I love you and I'll do anything I can to help you through your hardships in life. I value many peoples opinions on this board. Lately I've seen the majority of people coming from places of bitterness
Don't you all think that holding on to your bitterness won't eventually consume you? Sure my W is acting like a 17 year old. She isn't keeping her vows and to be truthful, I'm not even sure I want her to ever come back.
But, I'm not going to be bitter and hold on to the anger. No way no how.
I'm not going to ENABLE bad behavior, I'm not going to reward bad behavior. I'm not a doormat or a codependent. I'm a GOOD man who can FORGIVE while maintaining STRONG boundaries. Did I make mistakes? Yes. Am I sorry? Yes. Did SHE make huge mistakes? Yes, and their because she hasn't made the choice to take responsibility for her life.
Are the rest of you men and women who keep wanting me to punish her able to do that?
No, I'm not condoning or defending her. She has done a lot of wrong to me.
But the bitterness is not going to consume me like it seems to have consumed so many who didn't heal their marriages.
She's been away from her house for 24 hours. Likely with OM having some spiritual fun. I don't condone or approve of this, and I'm moving closer to never wanting her back.
But I don't hate her, nor do I want to punish her. She will end up punishing herself. God will help.
I'm not coming from a place of bitterness. I am coming from a position of having been there.
For a woman who has felt that she has never really done anything on her own or paid for anything she has by herself, has felt she was trapped and has now began to break free - writing a $60 check could have been damned liberating.
As for what you said about bitterness and people wanting you to "punish" your wife, you are out of your mind. I'm real sorry you are having a hard time giving her a reality check and only want to dole it out to her baby spoons but how dare you suggest I would recommend it because I want her to suffer.
My life - and the state of my relationship with my own husband - happens to be going very well right now. Is it because I'm no longer putting the details on the board that you think I must be bitter? You assume wrong.
While I don't know your wife's position or her feelings there has been much that she has said over the past few months that I relate to personally. In many ways I do think I know exactly what she is going through. I sympathize with where she is in her life right now but I also sympathize with where she has put you.
That said, you do what you want to do Frank and do it however you want to do it. You are the only one that has to live with it. Keep letting her come over anytime she wants to. Let her clean up after you. Don't separate anything. You can sit there feeling like you've actually done something for yourself and meanwhile she will start to have two very separate and distinct lives; one in which she forges her independence and the other which keeps you hanging on.
