Welcome Back Rob, Well it sounds like your W has not changed. It is great you are learning to set boundaries, it is almost self preservation! Try to remember, if your W believed half of what she has accused you of, she would not speak to you or allow you to have D. Also, I bet if D is wanting to sleep with you, she is doing the same thing with W. If W can't work with you to present a united front it makes it hard.Maybe you could talk to your counselor about how to handle this with D. That way if your w continued to "accuse " you, you could state you are following professional advice. Maybe this would protect you.
Hello everyone. Thanks for checking in. I'm back from Seattle and I had a great weekend, but I am a bit tired and will look forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight.
The game stunk b/c my Dawgs were routed and looked terrible. I'm so afraid it will be another long season, but I'm hoping I'm very, very wrong. It was really good to see my family and D had a great time w/ her cousins.
The bad part was my nephew (age 4) fell out of the tree and broke his arm while my brother and I were 4-5 hours away at the football game. That coupled by the terrible performance by our team really put a damper on things and my brother and I drove straight back from Eugene to Seattle Saturday night and got in around 3 am. Thus, my Sunday sleep wasn't the best.
My D and her cousin stayed w/ my mom, sister, and her son on Saturday and I went over to see them Sunday. Everyone basically hung out and the girls got their nails done while I took my nephew (age 10) to a car show as he really loves his fancy and expensive dream cars. This morning came early as D and I had a 7:10 flight, but we made it and I had her until 3 today when I dropped her off to W.
W was angry and distant as usual, but I didn't do much talking either. Instead, I kept it all business and handed her a check for D's school lunch ticket and then just talked w/ D exclusively. Today I was more sad than usual at dropping off my D and I'm not sure why. Maybe being around my family made me sad that my own little family was so torn apart.
Anyway, I hit the gym this afternoon and got my cardio in so now it is just grading papers that have been put off for far too long as I get ready for tomorrow.
Well I got back to school ok, but I'm still behind w/ everything. I'm hoping I'll catch up w/ my grading soon as progress reports are due on Monday.
I tried to call D last night and left a message, but there wasn't a return call. I'm still a bit sad today, mostly b/c I saw an e-mail from W from back in early March where she asked about medical benefits and then mentioned "when our D is final sometime next year" in a very "matter-of-fact" sort of way.
It made me sad b/c the time is coming closer to when my D will be final. October is coming fast and I still don't like where we're at w/ everything. I miss my little girl and I miss my little family.
I know I'll be ok, but I still don't like this. I miss being married and I miss seeing my baby girl every day.
Rob, Wow, progress reports! I just started back today. School opened here 8/28 but I was away Thursday and Friday. I feel so bad for you, it is so painful to have your family torn apart. Some say divorce is like a death and there is a grieving process. Perhaps this is where your sadness comes from. I so hope you can start to heal after things are finalized. Your W doesn't seem to have faced this. Your W may be fooling herself and just might be the one to fall apart after the D.It is amazing , that with all the changes you have made and work you have done to fix what you felt you did wrong in the marriage that she has not even given you a chance. She should at one point during all this at least gone to a few months of marriage counseling. I think she will eventually regret this. You will know you did all you could to hold your family together. You will move on and find happiness allthough it may not seem like it now.
Yes, our 1st day was the 13th, so I'm well into it now. I'm not quite right as of yet and I'm hoping to be "normal" soon, but the transition back is tough on me.
I'm pretty sure you're right as this is why I'm sad. I'm grieving the losses I've suffered, but I also just don't want to be divorced. I'm also a bit surprised that my W hasn't been willing to see any of the growth and progress I've made, but on the other hand it isn't suprising at all.
For her to see my growth, she would be forced to look at her lack of growth. If she acknowledges I'm addressing my issues, she'd be forced to address her issues. If she discovers I'm not the complete problem, she'd have to look at herself for the reason she's not happy.
Thus, I am very sad right now as I feel that this is going to end w/ the D and W not doing anything to change. I know that I'll be better off w/out her and w/ someone who loves me for me, but it still doesn't make it any easier. It still doesn't make me not want to be w/ her. I still want my family. I still want us back forever.
I'm hoping I can get to a place like my friends Kalni and Kerry here where I'm looking forward to the D rather than feeling down b/c its coming up soon.
Thanks again for checking in and I hope your transition back is a smooth one.
Rob, I know this is going to sound crazy, but is there any way at the 11th hour you can just say to your W what you have been saying here? That you don't want to be divorced and you want your family back together. Simple statement of the truth. Her behavior doesn't make her sound receptive, but hey you never know. Sometimes the divorce process takes on a life of its own and people just get used to responding a certain way. Just trying to think of ways to stop her in her tracks and have her make sure this is what she really wants for herself and D.I would imagine that deep down every Mother wants their child to grow up with their father unless he is abusive or something. It is just too bad you have tried so hard and she will not even admit the possibility you have changed. She is really cheating herself.
