When our oldest was in high school he was involved with a troublesome crowd (I called them the 'miscreants'). He had a positive drug test while applying for an internship at his father's place of business. His father is a high level VP in a Fortune 500 company. Ouch. Embarrassing.
I consoled myself that we were facing the problem 'head on' not pushing it to a corner like other parents were. I realized that what other people said was none of my business. That was a hard egg to swallow. However, it allowed me to focus on what was really important, improving communication and being the best I could be. I was told that the better I was, felt as an individual, the better it would be for the children and family.
So I did. And things changed for the better.
It got better not because I worried about what people thought or felt they had to know my side of the story. It improved because of taking care of me and what was most important.. my family.
Was I mortified when my husband of 25 years left within two weeks of stating his misery, promptly filing for divorce and moved to an unknown destination? Was I knocked silly when I heard a rumor that he'd moved a half hour away to live with his girlfriend? This guy who would openly profess his love for me to others days before he scooted? This man who wielded an aurora in perfection in his thoughtful, ethical, intelligent nature where people asked me what I did? May I say, "ooops".
Just like I'm told that my children will know what is real and what isn't, that letting them form their own conclusions is the best way (and all the other ways come back to bit ya in the patookie), it's the same way with acquaintances. AND, there's at least three sides to every story.. mine, his and whoever is listening.
I cannot change their father's actions. I cannot change how he treats them. I can be consistent in caring for them. Kids need both their parents. It's heart wrenching enough that the family is shredded.
