Thanks, yes, Bethie. It doesn't really matter what THEY think... as long as they don't manage to influence my two sons.
As for W "annointed" image -- it is evident that her family has either been kept in the dark or has turned a blind eye. I expect no quarter from W's maternal side of the family, being divorce-happy fools of the self-deceiving worldly type. And her paternal family, God-fearing folk, must assume I am at fault since W is still the same Godly woman in their eyes. Ignorance is bliss, as they say -- and some people count on it.
And W's friends and co-workers have undoubtedly been fed the same fanciful story that I've been fed -- that W is the victim of a horrible, abusively neglectful husband. I can only gather that is the case indirectly, such as they could all see that the flowers delivered to W at their offices most obviously did not come from W's husband, estranged as he still is, but from a paramour. I am disappointed that people would turn a blind eye to, condone or even support such indiscretion.
And our neighbors have undoubtedly been left to infer for themselves the cause for why I have lived outside of my own home for more than a year now. I have suspected that W has left them to determine that she is the stereotypical victimized wife and I am the unfaithful husband who was caught and forced to leave the household, or worse, abandoned his wife and children.
Think my imagination is getting away from me? I got confirmation a couple of months ago. I don't recall if I've related this story here or not, but it is curious enough to bear repeating. One weekend while W was working and I had custody of the boys, we stopped by the house just to gather some more clothes for them. Both of my S's saw some of the neighborhood kids and decided they wanted to go play with them for a bit. I let them.
Meanwhile I saw and talked to a couple of my neighbors. In particular I spoke to the mother for three of the small children my boys were visiting with. I'll call her "V". Initially we exchanged some chitchat, typical polite introductory conversation while our eyes are focused on the kids playing. Then V asked me point-blank, out-of-the-blue, "So, NCB, are you dating anyone now?" My jaw dropped, and I said, "Pardon?" She restated, "Do you have anyone you're dating now?" She said it without with any discernible malice or cynicism -- more like friendly concern. I replied, "No, nooo, I would never think to date anyone -- I'm still married, at least until W divorces me." V: "You've not been seeing someone else?" Me: "No. Never." V seemed a little bit surprised by my response. "So you're not the one who wanted to separate?" Me:"No. And I am not the one seeking the divorce." V:"Why does W want that -- if you don't mind me asking?" In response I was not forthright, not wishing to slander W to her friends. So I told V I didn't really know. I said, "I guess because she thinks I neglected her and didn't love her anymore. But I am willing to try to work on restoring our relationship, but she refuses -- I just don't know why. She won't talk to me." (Why I still feel I should defend W's honor anymore is beyond me.)
I did not say anything about the OM, but I was sort of wondering if V might already have suspected -- may be she saw something. But V didn't say anything either, so I can assume she didn't know anything on that score.
V commiserated with me on this sad situation. I suspect that V passed this information along to the other neighbors (they have a grapevine alright), to correct the misconceptions about why W and I are breaking up. It was evident from our conversation that W has been allowing people to assume I have been the one who has strayed from the M and the family, and thus allowed herself to be viewed as the stereotypical victimized wife.
