I think I am heading to first

[yenko69]

When I talked to W tonight it was different. She asked me what I wanted to talk to her about and I said you wanted to talk so go ahead.

She asked me what I wanted. It went for a little bit but I told her I did not want much just some tools and few other things.

We talked for a little while about that and then got into a little more R talk. I said that I have tried to see things through her eyes and that I understood if she thought there was to big a gap to get across. I told her that my perspective was that I wanted to fight for our marriage and that I would take a leap of faith even through all the negative emotions. The pain, anger, hurt, fear and some jealousy. She went off saying that I was never jealous before and why should I care now. That I never cared before so why should I now. I agreed because I was emotionally disconnected from myself and fell into a bad depression. I told her I was learning to connect with my feelings again. Then I said that I could not do it alone.

I do understand her POV, but it still sucks. She said she still was to hurt and angry for all that happened. I do regret not being there for her when I should have been. That she was sorry that she had given me false hopes the other day. That she did not want to hurt me because I am such a good person. She wants happiness but cannot have it with me. I told her that I want her to be happy and to find herself, just to do it without regrets. That I would take everything at face value and she started crying.

She did go off about everyone pressuring her that she is doing the wrong thing. She should not be seeing someone else while she is married. I deserved someone better and she was the one who f-d my life up.

She said that she wanted to move on with her life and needed to file. She said that she did not have the money to retain a lawyer. She was tired of hurting, the pain and feeling alone all the time.

She then went into crying about finances, insurance and how was she going to make it. I did agree that it was a mess right now. That she could live in the house until it was sold. That we should split our accounts and set up a budget. I told her I could not leave her or the girls out in the cold. She said she regretted going to school and opening a business that we would have less debt. I told her it was a mutual decision.

I told her that I did not expect much from her, just that she respect my feelings. I told her that I was willing to help with the bills, but needed to move the cell phone to her name and the house phone to her name. I told her that I did not agree with seeing someone else and I would not pay for it. She went ballistic after that.

She told me that I was trying to control her life. I was not different then any other man and she was tired of being pushed around by men. She said that she did not have the credit to switch the cell phone or the house phone. That she would move out in thirty days. She then throw the cell phone at the door. Saying that I did not want her to have any contact with the outside world. I told her I was leaving and went to tell D11 goodbye. She said that she would not allow me to see her kids again. I asked her who she was really hurting me or D11. D11 came out and started screaming at W about her trying to take away the only dad she ever knew. That W should not try and take me away from her and on and on. D11 then left to go to her grandmas.

W was still pissed and going on about this and that. Threw her cellphone again and asked what I wanted. All she wanted was the girls stuff and her clothes and nothing else. On and on about stuff.

Then it went back to me controlling her life. I told her that she is free to do what she wants, she just has to live with it. SD16 then showed up mad at her mom. SD16 said that she should not have had an argument in front of D11 and that D11 was at their grandmas crying because her mom would not let her see me anymore. SD 16 said it was messed up to take D11 away from me since it was the only dad she had ever known and that she was going to stay the night at her aunts. W told SD 16 to give me her cellphone and I told her to keep it right now.

She then started crying uncontrollably. She did not want me to touch her ect. I did cry a little because of my part in this whole mess. She asked me what I was crying about because I would be better off.

I went down and got D11 from MIL and brought her back. We talked a bit. W told D11 she would not keep her from me and she only said that to hurt me, not D11. She said she would not keep D11 from me.

D11 left the room and W started crying some more. I told her I was going and to take of herself because I still worried about her. When I left the room W started crying harder and D11 went in to comfort her.