Whapu--please don't disappear. It seems to me that you truly need the support of what friends you have...move to another forum if you like, but stay on the boards!!!
Quote:
whenever I am home, all I feel is this state of hopelessness and unfortunately self loathing to such a state that no matter what I do will always become a failure (whether it is one or not). I am alone strangely, because I have isolated myself from everything because I was tired of hearing how negative I am so I cut the cord on that.
No doubt the external negativity feeds the internal--but ultimately YOU are responsible for the internal. Do something about it. Stop beating yourself up. Just stop. Catch yourself and stop. You are the only person who can change the cycle. Are you on ADs? Can you get them if not?
GOOD LUCK with the new job. I know how vital it is to you and your self-worth. Honestly, to succeed at anything, you've got to BELIEVE you can do it, so please do yourself a favor and really think about the above quote and paragraph so you don't unconsciously sabotage this new opportunity.
I am praying for you, all day every day. You're not alone.
