S4 turned into S5 on Friday. H came over for dinner. It was nice.
I had a party for S5 on Saturday. Family and friends...and H.
My dad left the party halfway through....it was too hard on him, seeing H there, pretending all was honky dory and no one had been hurt.
H took the kids home with him afterwards. Today he celebrated S5's birthday with ow and her entire family ! How can a man do that ? Celebrate the birth of a child he had with someone else with his new girlfriend?
He told the kids that they could call ow's parents granny and grandad....
It repulses me.
It's not detachment, but it's how it makes me feel.
I'm sure that I disappoint you all by not being 'detached' enough by now, but I'm just human and sometimes this stuff really hurts.
Why is is that when we are kind we get dumped on....? I see so many of my friends being so bit@chy to their partners, yet, they are happily married.
I'm doing well, just had an off day.
Thanks for bothering to read this far ! xxx
Last edited by Cinderellaman; 08/31/0808:03 PM.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I'm sure that I disappoint you all by not being 'detached' enough by now, but I'm just human and sometimes this stuff really hurts.
I think I can speak for all who come here and tell you that your feelings are not something that can be turned on and off at the drop of a hat.
What you are going through is healthy and when yo get to the other side of this painful hurt that was handed to you, YOU are the one that will be in a healthy relationship with those around you be it a man or not because you worked on you and did not go the dirty band-aid route
Cinders.. Disappointed??? are you crazy??? Do you ever read back over your old posts and see how far you have come!! You have really handled your situation well!
Having the kids call someones unrelated parents, grandma and grandpa is repulsive!! Your H is trying really hard to act like nothing is wrong....Does OW's family know that H is still married to you...that he just spent the day with his REAL family...that you have vacationed as a FAMILY??
Cinders you are experiencing normal feelings! You are the healthy one!
You do NOT disappoint us! I don't know that many folks really get 'detached'.....I think it's a wave function. Able to be more detached at times, and less detached at others. I don't think it's all or nothing.
You're human. It's ok to be vulnerable.
And it appears you behaved well. Be who you are, which is pretty great. You have a lot of love and respect on this board.
peace and all good, sg
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Don't your children have grandparents? You have the right to tell your H that your children have grandparents and that it is too confusing for them to call OW's parents names that are reserved for real family. I guess you probably don't need to say "real."
These men are too much...only think about themselves. Shame on OW's parents for not saying something themselves.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Wouldn't this be awfully confusing to a child. And even a child of 5 years of age can be made to feel that they are 'betraying' another family member by calling them something they most certainly are not!
I've got a feeling that this OW pushed for your child to call her parents granny and gramps. She's pushing, and in turn is pushing your H to tow the line. I would bet in his heart, he knows this is repulsively wrong, but has to keep OW 'happy'.
Myself, I would have a talk with my spouse about this, and in no uncertain terms tell him it is NOT acceptable to ask a child to do such a thing...especially when the parents are still married, and the OW is just that...another woman. Her parents are no more that childs grandparents than she is his wife! That's just my opinion, but then I have an extreme reaction to adults using children to manipulate others.
If OW is pushing this on your husband, sit back and watch the show. She will continue to push and push..and pretty soon he'll be able to open the door all by himself and walk out of her life at a fast trot.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Cinders, I've been a step parent most of my adult life and it is absolutely NOT normal to call the 'steps' names reserved for original family.
My step-kids call me and my parents by their first names. I've got heaps of friends and family in blended families and I can't think of one who calls the 'steps' anything other than their real names - except where there are very specific family names - like everyone in the world calls my x's mother Mama - so my sisters and their kids call her Mama.
You H is trying way too hard. He's trying to do what he thinks OW and her family want him to do and it's unacceptable. Frankly, I suspect they would be a bit uncomfortable with it too. They would have to feel a bit put upon. It's weird.
It's OK for you to tell him you think it's weird or unacceptable that he wants them to call the OWs family by such intimate names. Perhaps they could come up with a polite nick-name - but only if that is completely different from what they call their real grandparents.
You are right to be angry. The man is giving away stuff that's not his to give away.
V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Don't think the OW parents aren't thinking it is all too weird.
It is weird.
It is not normal.
Fantasyland.
I agree with the statement regarding - one day YOU will be the one in the healthy relationship and your H will not be. I believe this from the bottom of my heart.
You don't have to accept what is happening in your situation. It is not acceptable. It is ludacrous. DB just wants you to act as if it is o.k.
It does really make you wonder after antics like this if YOU really want to be involved with this man once he wakes up.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
