Originally Posted By: poet

What are you saying when you say "we can still be above this?" This whatz? This poor treatment by our spouse?
Yes, just because they treat us poorly doesn't mean it's ok for US to be just as mean back. I'm not saying we should be 'super duper nice', just not down in the same hole of darkenss thay are in.

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I guess I'm confused. If love is conditional, then what would be unconditional grace and/or complassion. If my husband shuts me off, cuts me down, blames me for his rudeness everytime I speak to him on the telephone, avoids me, etc. etc., yet says he doesn't know if he wants to see me, why do I still feel so much pain?
Because you believe him. Stop believing the lies he tells you. Stop fighting. When the 'rudeness' starts, do him a favor by telling him you aren't going to continue talking to him if he's going to act this way. If he keeps it up, say "I'm going to hang up now, call me back when you can be civil".

Set boundaries. He needs you to do that. Otherwise you are enabling his behavior, actually, you are encouraging it.

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Aren't I feeling the hurt because I love him?
Yes.
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Aren't I trying to give him unconditional compassion by offering to give him the house after the divorce, which is what he wants?
No. You're enabling his bad behavior.

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I'm at a loss as to what to do. He says he doesn't have to call me because I call him, yet I go for days and he does not call me.
Try going for weeks. Every time you call him it says to him that you are needy.

Drop the rope. You can do it. I believe in you.


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As for your wife, I don't know that it hurt her to write the check. She may have done it out of unconditional compassion.
Nope, it was guilt.


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