Where do I go from here? pt. 2

[tpaschal]

So, H came to pick up the kids on Friday (Aug. 15) evening, and I was dressed up to go out to dinner with a friend. I always try to look good when he comes, even if I'm just wearing work-out clothes. I try to make sure they are the CUTE workout clothes. LOL! But this time I know I looked good. Had on a cute halter top which is something I never would have worn previously. I'm sure he noticed, but didn't say anything.

When I went out to help take their stuff to the car, D14 asked if I was going to tell Daddy about the car. H asked what she meant, and I explained that the side mirror motor kept whirring. Said I thought it was a bad fuse. Without me asking, H opened my car door to look at it, but needed the keys. D14 went to get them, and H tried to find the correct fuse but couldn't. I thanked him for trying, and then started saying goodbye to the kids.

S9, bless his little heart, said (completely on his own---no prompting), "Hey, Mommy. You look nice. Why are you so dressed up? Are you going somewhere?" I said yes, so he asked where, and I said, "Oh, just going out with a friend." Then I changed the subject and said my goodbyes.

I did go out to dinner with a friend, and at about 9:30 I sent H a text message asking if the kids could call me to say goodnight. He sent back, "Call home or cell phone?" I said "cell." The kids called and I talked to them all briefly.

The next night at about 9:45 I sent the same message. He asked again, "home phone or cell phone?" I said "cell," and he sent back, "Party girl." LOL! I was going to send back a short "lol" or something, but the phone rang immediately, so I talked to the kids. Hmmm....I thought that was pretty funny.

On Sunday afternoon a friend came and picked me up to go work out at the gym. When she dropped me off at 5:30, H's car was in the driveway, and they were all in the house. I was NOT happy. They are not supposed to be home until 6pm, and I have asked him several times not to go into the house if I'm not home. (Besides which I was sweaty and gross! Ugh! That just serves to make me feel insecure in my interactions with him.) I had even set the alarm, which he had made D14 disarm.

When I walked in, he heard me and came out of the study. That makes me upset and nervous, because of course my computer and all my D paperwork and files are in there. He went into the kitchen and started fiddling with new knobs he had bought for the stove. I tried to stay calm and said, "Why are you here so early? I have asked you before not to come into the house if I am not at home." He just snorted, and I said, "This is not how this works. You know I usually don't mind if you bring them a little early, but you need to call first."

Ugh. I don't want to seem bitchy, but I have tried to set this boundary over and over again, and he keeps ignoring it.

H didn't respond to what I said. Then the kids came down to say hello to me. I saw that H had taken D14 to replace her cell phone. We had an insurance policy on it, but there was still a $50 deductible which I couldn't afford. I thanked him. He told D14 he was sorry they hadn't had a chance to go to the mall, and he would take her the next time. He said something to me about the new knobs being the wrong size, then said goodbye to the kids and left. The kids told me later their weekend with H went pretty well.

I guess it makes H cranky that I am not sitting around pining for him? That he thinks I'm getting a life? Is he checking up on me?

I think it's kinda sad---here I am getting to have the carefree life (well, only 3 or 4 nights a month, but still!) that he wanted, but he's practically already married again. OW is still the easier option because she doesn't have kids, but they have settled into a pretty routine, fairly hum-drum existence. Oh, they have a lot more freedom to be spontaneous and do things like go on bike rides and work out together, but I wonder if he's finally seeing it's not the happy fantasy he signed up for. Especially since she is obviously a control freak, and he is obviously lying to her.

I know I shouldn't focus on his life with OW, but it's hard not to. And, let's be honest. This is a competition, in a way. I am doing my best to show him that I am the better option. That the life with his wife and family that he left behind is pretty wonderful. That I AM the greener grass.