Where do I go from here? pt. 2

[tpaschal]

Hello, all.

Too much going on here to relate it all, but you know me---I'll try anyway! I have GOT to figure out a way to write short, frequent posts instead of novellas!

I think H is confused.

We met with a contractor here at the house on Aug. 14 to discuss home repairs to get house on market. H was very cordial, he was a little curious about party that had ocurred the weekend before when out of town guests were here. He asked, "So, how was the party?" I just said, "Oh, great! It was a lot of fun!"

After contractor left, I made a couple of light-hearted remarks about turning 40 and getting older. Then later I commented on how much fun the kids had playing with their visiting buddies, and some comment about how many people were here. I made sure the b-day cards and pics were out on the mantle, of course, and saw him looking at a couple, so showed him a Roseanna-RoseannaDanna card with a funny audio message.

H fixed water heater for me, tried to fix vent switch on stove, replaced bathroom light fixture. Very business like about it all, but it was nice of him, and I told him a few times (without going overboard)how appreciative I was. At one point he was up on a ladder while I was holding it steady, and I said to H, "Hmmm...this is an interesting view." Then I thought, what the hell? Why not? He is still my H! So I grabbed his ass and gave a little squeeze. He just chuckled.

While he was up in the attic, he left his cell phone in the kitchen. This doesn't happen very often, as his cell phone is the umbilical cord that connects him to the OW. So, of course, being the will-powerless girl that I am, I peeked. Pretty funny stuff, actually. Well, more like pathetic.

H's texts were very brief, (though there were yucky ILY's and such, ugh), but OW's were full of all kinds of long admonitions about "sticking to the topic at hand", and not letting me draw him into conversations about other stuff, and "no conversations about money." She also told him that she was sure I hadn't mentioned the business evaluation of his medical practice because I was disappointed it wasn't worth more. WTF? I hadn't even seen it yet!

Also lots of convo about her cold and how yucky she was feeling, etc. I love that, cause as an MD, he got tired of it quickly if I was sick. He took good care of me when I was sick, and was usually very sweet about it, but he did get tired of being with sick people all day and then coming home to take care of more sick people. Ya know? And she seems to be sick a lot. Heehee. Only 22, and she has migraines, an ulcer, and gets lots of colds. Heehee.

But the killer comment was in regards to my email request of a day or two earlier, where I said to him that the high summer electric bills and the need for new tires for my car had put a dent in my budget, and asked could he please help out with some money toward school supplies and school clothes. Her text said, "And remember.....if your resolve weakens, the answer to money for school supplies is NO."

Can you freaking believe that? A 22 yr. old ho' telling a 40 year old father of three that he is not allowed to give any extra money toward school supplies? Ugh, ugh, ugh. That's just sad and pathetic and......yucky.

I did ask nicely about the school supplies a little later, but he gave me a sob story of hard times at his practice and no money. It was kind of funny, because he started to tell me the story, but then evidently remembered he had been instructed not to talk about it. I asked a polite question, and he ended up telling me anyway. lol. I was politely concerned about his medical practice, and didn't push the money issue further.

When he left he said goodbye to the kids and told them he would pick them up the next day for their weekend visit. All in all, I think it was a positive day. He wasn't smiley or friendly, but we talked normally and he did do some very kind things. Of course, I have no expectations, because I know he wants to get the house on the market. But still......

It was very interesting to read those text messages and know that he is lying to the OW about his interactions with me and the kids here at the house. It was obvious from some of her comments that he tells her it's always miserable when he's here, I'm always bitchy, we always fight, etc., etc.

I know it doesn't help to speculate, but why? Why does he lie to her? Just to pacify her and not fight with her about being over here? I'm sure that's it.....but why in the hell can't he see that if he has to lie to her about this kind of stuff, he ain't the happy guy he pretends to be, and there's no way in hell they'll end up happy together!!

<sigh>

Why do I still care? Why do I ask why?

Detach, detach, detach. Be thankful for the good stuff, ignore everything else.

Wow....it's hard.

More later.