If your wife's medication has not been evaluated for effectiveness since it was first prescribed, she needs to have it reevaluated.

My wife had her's reevaluated ( at the insistence of her whole family when she announced she wanted a seperation ) and the doctor increased her dosage. She has had to try several different medications and sometimes combinations to get the proper benefits.

"She didn't really try (or i didn't see her try) anything to help with her depression until after the separation which makes me feel insecure, as she will get happier and happier and I'm not sure if she will think it's because she is trying, or because I'm not there?"


I think the best way to look at this is that when her depression lifts she will be able to make better decisions. If,in the meantime, she has seen real changes in you (happier,more secure), does not feel pressured to come back ("the door is always open, but its your choice"), her resolution to leave may begin to crumble.

I support my wife's exercise efforts ( she goes to the local pool for water aerobics) and always let her know how glad I am she is enjoying it and feels better. She has welcomed my support.

In fact, anything you can do to let her know you trust her decisions (though you may not always) removes you from the line of fire and puts the responsiblity square on her shoulder's for her choices. Which in my wife's case was the right thing to do, even when she went to a singles event to accompany a friend three weeks ago. I was in agony because I knew she was curious about whether she would meet someone interesting or not. After much agonizing I called her and told her I trusted her to make the best decisions.

The next day she wanted to talk with me about the event. She had met and been flirted up by the hansomest guy there and even gave him her phone #. (ouch!) She then said that even though she enjoyed the first 20 minutes of the event and the flirting, she quickly realized that the general caliber of the singles there was lacking: a lot of lonely, desperate people. She was going to tell the guy she wasn't interested when he called.

I think that this whole scenario turned out this way in part because I gave her no reason to feel defensive.

Listen, we are not in control over what our WAS's think or do, but our attitudes, words, etc. do have influence to either make them feel justified in leaving us, or have second thoughts.

Give her reasons, by your new attitude and actions, to have second thougts.

Btw, whenever I get together with her and her family or go out on dates (first real one two nights ago), I try to look my best ( shaven, nice shirt, etc). I also cleaned up the awful clutter our house was in ( since she left ) before I invited her over for a 'family' dinner with me and my daughter.

We had a good time. It was my birthday and she initiated a long, warm hug. I was tempted to tear up, but I held it in. I just enjoyed the moments we were together and actively listened to her, whatever she wanted to talk about.

Hang in there man. As far as an immediate resource for helping you, check out Nancy Wasson's "Save Your Marriage: What to do when your Spouse Says: "I don't love you anymore!". It is availible online (www.KeepYourMarriage.com) as a downloadable e-book you can read right now, the hardback copy comes in the mail later.

This is the time to be reflective on what you need to change in yourself to become a better partner. A great place to start is to recall all the issues that she may have nagged you about or expressed unhappiness about. What was she really saying when she accused, nagged, complained, bitched, etc ? She was saying I want our relationship to work. I need your help !

Gotta go now...keep in touch and God bless.


Me 47, W 32,D 6,
Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7
Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09