Then she laughs. She probally thinks. Look at what I did to him now.
Bingo. She looks for reasons to piss you off. Then you go off and (in her mind) validate her reasons for leaving. Change the dynamic, don't give her anything to feed off of. Overall you are right, she shouldn't have left the M. But you are going about this wrong. Act as Christ would act. Christ wouldn't react the way you do. You go off the charts Phil, you got to chill out. I realize that this is difficult, but accusations(true or untrue), insults, and whatever else is going on over there in Lost Phil land isn't working. Focus completely on your R with Christ, then yourself and your children. Sacrifice your feelings to God. Let her go man, if you don't it doesn't change. You are me 3 1/2 years ago Phil. I held that resentment and unforgivness and it pushed her further away. I never snapped on her the way you do, but the resentment came through. Letting go and forgiving is the best thing you can do for yourself and for thos kids. And unless you do, your chances of this all working out decrease daily. Look man, people have been through worse and had it work out, but I think it depends more on the left behind..... she isn't going to change unless you do. I guess to sum it up, one of the very few things in the DB books I agree with, is the statement if what you are doing doesn't work, then change it. Is what you have been doing working....for anyone?
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
Phil, I have no interest in fighting with you. I have no interest in making you angry so I will make this my last post to you.
My point is that you should look inward at your own actions. You may not think you are blaming her but you are every time to talk to her. I don't need to read about 600 posts to see that everything you do is just more of the same. Your interactions with her are an endless cycle of anger.
I didn't post to you to get smart a$$ comments. I posted to try give you some help. To try to make you realize that your actions are not those of someone trying to save their marriage. I realize that I'm being harsh to you but I am not one to blow smoke up your butt. You obviouly have a problem handling your anger and I think you should seek some help for that. I agree that your situation is a mess but at this point I think you have to take as much of the burden of that as your W.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Phil, I just read this out of a devotional I get. This subject has been coming up a lot for me lately in my reading as it is pretty prevailent in my life presently, I'd like to share it with you.
Faith is involved in exercising your spiritual authority. You must base your faith on what the Word says, not on circumstances. When circumstances do not change immediately, some people become discouraged and begin to speak doubt and unbelief. This only gives the devil dominion over their words, which ultimately defeat them. Don't hand over your authority to Satan through your words. Instead, break the power of the devil by walking in your authority!
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
Hey good morning to you... I hope this day will bring you all that you desire....I hope you get to go to church with the children this morning....They are still pretty young 6 and 8 yr.olds.. still young but they can see all that is going on with Mommie and Daddy.... for the sake of the children at least for today, try to just ignore her .... no comments... no questions other than the time of visitation you have with the kids.... and them enjoy them fully today..
Show them they are more important than you and your wife...I am sure they also need a day of rest from this madness...don't you agree??? have fun with them...get a Christ like mind I also have a son around your age and he has also had his share of troubles And you better believe it when I say Mom was there praying along side him....can you not ask your Mom for prayer???
The more people pray in agreement with us for God to change us and our hus/wife the better chances of his miracle manifesting in our lives... try today to just not to speak...text...or anything like that and just ask God for strength...
If there is no money for things to do with the kids just go to the park and just love them and talk with them.....make them a part of your life today especially in God's day... I know it will mean the world today if only one... Mommie or Daddy... has nothing but good things to say around them
Show them a flower...let them smell it with you... the colors it has... and how God made that small beautiful flower in all his glory, so that they can know that he is a loving and graceful God... Just this one simple thing you do today.. seems like nothing but to children who are going thru just a dark storm along with the parents it shows them a side of you they have not seen in a long time or possibly have never seen....
L/P... live your life as if today was your last day on earth...show them like you have never showed them before that you really do love them...ask Christ to start changing you today...
I am going to pray for you, your wife, and those 2 beautiful children that God has blessed both of you with right now.... I hope you have a wonderful and Blessed day In Jesus Name
Father God I come to you as a humble servant.. I do not know this family but they as you know,they are going thru a very deep dark valley...I ask the Holy Spirit to bring peace to them all today.Speak to their hearts. I ask for this prodical spouse to stop being so mean in front of her children for they have done nothing ..they are just caught in the middle of it.. I ask you Lord to heal Phil's heart and I pray that he also asks you for healing.I am not good at remembering scripture Lord please forgive me for that but I remember lots of things in your word you said that you came to heal the brokenhearted and I believe you will do this for us all who are bleeding inside but by your grace you give us strength to continue and to read your word. Father God I ask in Jesus name that this family will one day have a resurrected marriage built on the rock of Jesus. I have failed you also in my life and marriage because you where not first in it.Forgive me for that. but I know that you are right by my side thru my deepest trials.. I can feel your presence Lord I pray that Phil will seek you for all his needs today ..give the inner peace that you give so freely especially when we hit bottom and our hearts are bleeding from it.speak to his wife Lord I ask that the holy spirit will speak to her everyday..I pray the spirits of anger,lies,confusion,proudfullness and especially the spirit of disobedience, leave her heart and Phil's and that she and Phil will return to you...Take care of those children, for they have enough strife in their young lives to last a lifetime..Show Phil the power of prayer the power of knowing you on a more personal basis... without you Father God in our lives.. we can do nothing. Blessed be the name of the Lord.Help him today to spend quality time with his kids...a time that these children need from at least one of their parents...These things I pray in the mighty name of Jesus amen and amen.
Have a Blessed day in Jesus name.I will check in on you later ok...Turn it over to him.. I am sure the enemy will attack me today because of this.. but you know what, I have Jesus in my corner and I will have to be in constant prayer to be able to withstand anything the enemy throws my way....
Going to church.... need to make breakfast for my daughter and grandchildren who spent the night here with us...boy can they make a mess.but grannie will see to it that they clean up after themselves after all they are old enought to do so.lets see my daughter she is 13 and 2 granddaughters spent the night twin girls and they will be 11 on tues.where has the time gone... and I also L/P have an anniversay coming Sept.8 25 yrs. I know I will be a mess on that day ... but he will help me thru it
Phil there will come a point where you will stop worrying about the one-upmanship you're dealing with in regards to your wife. It still seems it's tit for tat, and hopefully that will one day change (the sooner the better for your children)
In one breath you say you want and have your kids most of the time, then you say you don't want them all week with the responsibility of school, etc.
My advice to you is that you HAVE to be there for your kids. You HAVE to show them stability, however that happens. If they would be better off (sleep, etc.) to be with you during the week and go to school from your house, do it. As a parent you will sacrifice for your children. You know this.
I think Bworl has given you some excellent advice and glad you're hearing him.
I agree about going dark on her. It's fruitless for both of you.
You can't show her you're a different person if you're beating her with the bible so to speak.
And a parting thought for you - let's say this thing does end in divorce. You still have to deal with her. Forever. Gotta lose the anger.
The part about praying life into your marriage - from Amy earlier on before you jumped her case.... I remember back during my separation, I was told to pray. Pray for a verse. Open my bible and read. Good luck Phil
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
When my stbx began using the word "abusive" it was a complete surprise to me. But it was a signal she was speaking to an attorney and gettign advice from an abused women's group, on how to make allegations against me to take the kids.
Me, not wanting a divorce, I got a collaborative attorney. I got my hat handed to me, and now I don't have the kids.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Round and round she goes where she stops nobody knows.
Disaster this morning.
Moral of the story. I have the kids now, and I'm going to take that long drive to see my family.
Oh and I flipped on her again. Because she can't even give me the decency to tell me what is going on.
I flipped on her Dad too. I told him somebody needs to act like an adult. We can't communicate through the kids Dad.
Oh boy...
The flipping part. She said why don't you please give me a divorce. I said do it yourself. You don't have the intelligence to do it.
Really I don't care about divorce right now. Yes I know either way I still have to deal with her. I would rather stay married, stay true to my vows, my faith.
Nothing is going to change.
She dropped the kids off. I told her to get back in her car and leave. I'm not dealing with a time bomb. She looked so tired. She was out all last night I guess.
She is going to act like an idiot.
Imageer... Stop it now... I'm not being a SA. You are acting like some others that have posted.
You need to develop your talking skills. Read IRMAC, BND.
Listen to how they talk to me. They talk to my soul.
So does IAN.
Amy and I don't see eye to eye on religion.
I'm going to go insane...
I need to implement stability. I know....! I KNOW I KNOW!
