random Dommage

[Dom R]

Thanks Trix (tired grin)

I dunno if I have much energy left to write a dobson letter, and then wait for any length of time. [hmm. cant even find a good reference reminder what it is. Something like saying, "if you want to leave, then you are free to leave". But... seems like that's somewhat redundant in my situation. she's pretty much left, and doesnt seem to have any problems in that area?? dunno...?]

or "set boundaries".
WHAT boundaries? quit dating other guys? I wouldnt even know if she had stopped, at this point. she's quite capable of lying and hiding it. Plus, she says she doesnt want to make any kind of commitment to me. those were her exact words, a few days ago.

If I were to make decisions on MY feelings... I "feel" like starting dating now. To find someone who is nice to me, and appreciates me, and wants to be with me. As in, a serious "life partner". Someone to find, and marry, and live the rest of my life with.

I feel like I'm wasting good years of my life, that I could be having a great time building some fun and lasting memories with someone who cares about me. Instead of throwing away my life on someone who says she doesnt care about me that way, and never will again.
If I felt like she would ever reinvest in our marriage, it would be different. Then, it would be worth it, both for "the marriage" itself, and for how much it would benefit our children to not be torn between us any more.
But, after 2 years, I'm starting to believe her when she says never.
If that's really true... i dont want to waste the next 10 years of my life, trying for the impossible.
The miserable thing is, though.. i cant know if it is true.

My head is... just barely... saying that me going dating is the wrong way to go.
My feelings are saying #$@! it.