I'm back after a long absence

[123snap]

back from a week vacation, we went to a cabin/resort that H used to go to when he was a kid. it was nice for the most part, lots of relaxing time, and the kids had fun, there were some light moments between H and I.

He was tense a lot, worried about a long run he had to do, training for a marathon in the fall, and the long runs make him anxious, which he admits. H also had some reminders of OW which he shared with me, we did some R talk and he is very stuck on the negative, what if it doesn't work, stressed about that, doesn't want to hurt me any more, doesn't feel "IT", doesn't think I should think this is just a crisis he has to get through, stuff like that. He talked about the PA a bunch and what was good and that he doesn't feel that it would work between them. Misses the excitement I think.

He isn't buying the love and happiness is a choice thing, hope he figures it out or he will be an unhappy person much of his life regardless of our R. I said I couldn't imagine getting involved with anyone and he said it is funny as the reason we would break up is to allow us to find happiness with someone else and he doesn't see himself marrying again either. Maybe that got him thinking. H said he is just worried about what happens if it doesn't work out, and I said well what if it does? He said that he doesn't worry about because he knows that would be good, but the other would be bad

I think he is heavily confused, wrapped up in negativity.

I am a bit better today, not feeling so obsessed, reminded myself about PMA, GAL and acting as if, not initiating R talks, that sort of thing. Need to keep reminding myself, will have school to be on my mind soon and that will help distract me.

We are supposed to share a list with each other of what we have in common, haven't written it down yet, feel like I am trying to sell a used car and I hate that feeling, so that is making it hard.

We have a counseling session on Thursday, will have to get nervous about that later.

Oh and found out OW is older than me, and her birthday is in August, maybe that is why August is a bad month for him