Ex and I were both at "back to school night" last night. I am glad we can both be supportive of D17 and show a united front.
Next hurdle: D17's birthday. I would love to have a family birthday party for her. We haven't all been together since MIL died in March. It would be good for D17 to feel the support from her uncles and aunt....but the local relatives are all on exH's side of the family. Can I plan a dinner and include exH, but NOT his GF?
[/quote]Can I plan a dinner and include exH, but NOT his GF? [quote]
You could always say XH You are welcome to dinner also if you are home alone for some reason and have nothing else planned. Lets him know she is not invited.
Hope things are well for you Mat.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I am ok, Hill. Still not very good at GALing, though. Seems D17 is requiring extra attention as she tries to push the limits! I actually thought of you when I chose a book on tape from the library: THE LIFEGUARD! Thanks for checking in on me!
Next hurdle: D17's birthday. I would love to have a family birthday party for her. We haven't all been together since MIL died in March. It would be good for D17 to feel the support from her uncles and aunt....but the local relatives are all on exH's side of the family. Can I plan a dinner and include exH, but NOT his GF?
Wow, that's a toughie. Okay here's my suggestion, have the party at your house and you can invite or not invite anyone you would like. Maybe you could email exH and say, "I realize we are divorced and you can date anyone that you want, but I'm still not quite used to the idea of being around "her". Notice that the invitation has only your name on it. I would appreciate you not bringing the "skank" (Of course you might use a better name than the one I have chosen for her) to DD's b-day party. It is her day and I want it to be special for her and the family. I just don't want there to be any tension on her day. I want everyone to be comfortable especially DD."
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Sounds like your D is a lot like my D18. I tried to control what I could. She's been at school a week, and seems to like it so far. It's not the academics or being homesick that I worry about with her, it's the inability to have responsible fun that scares me. Divorce sucks.....
... it's the inability to have responsible fun that scares me. Divorce sucks.....
The part that hurts me the most is worrying alone!!
My exH just gets to do the fun things with D17. Today they have spent the day on the boat! I suggested to both D17 and exH that she stay with him tonight since I am working Monday. Instead she told me she decided to do something w a friend tonight and doesn't want to stay at her dad's. Why can't she let her dad worry what time she comes home?!?!
Up until yesterday I was pleased that I was going to have the unusual amicable post divorce family get-together. NOT! Backing up, I had talked to ex over a week ago about D17's birthday dinner, and explained that I was just not able to include his gf, but I asked if he'd like to come. He said, "I understand. I will come. GF understands completely". THEN yesterday I received a tm from ex saying he was "uncomfortable" being with his family if his gf was not included. I sent a text back saying "I will miss you at the celebration". He was mad at my reaction since he figured he could guilt me into including her!!! I got a text back saying he expected his gf to be included in the future.
I cancelled the birthday dinner and took D17 to the mall with a friend. (the uncles had a conflict in time--one wanted earlier, one wanted later. No matter what time I picked someone would be left out. It just stopped being fun). She was quite pleased since I let her spend the money I would have spent on dinner.
I hope in the future I can be a functions with ex and his gf and be at ease. Divorce was less than 6 months ago. I think I need more time. However, if I am the one planning the party I should be able to invite whoever I want. I started to write back to ex that I would invite his gf to functions after she invites me to his next birthday party. I also won't ever try to get his family together again. We haven't all been together since his mom died.....I thought this would be a special occasion. I wanted D17 to still feel support from her uncles. It is too bad that I am surrounded by his family that doesn't care about being a family.
I won't have to deal with anything until her graduation. Maybe I'll let her dad plan that (and then I'll be the one not invited and I'll be hurt). I think it would be easier with a big group and at a neutral location.....have a buffer available. The birthday dinner was down to just 5 people.
What would be best for my daughter? I personally thought my daughter might be uncomforable sitting at a table with dad, gf, aunt, uncle, and me.....but I didn't ask her. Should I?
