Help...I think I did a 180...I hope

[Sophie]

I'm still doing my own thing.
I'm still staying out of the way between H and kids.
I'm still no contact.
I'm still jogging and working out.
Kids and I are still going to church.


H has had full access to the kids, since July 30th...D8's bday.

And...

H is still...the INVISable MAN....

He has not contacted them or me.... He sent a text to oldest son the Sunday night before the first day of school...after bedtime. 'Have a great first day of school'

He sent S a text the night before that saying 'Sup Bra?'

What kind of talk is that for a dad????

Son shakes his head and deletes.

H said he wants to get close to kids but does nothing.

Do I have to make that happen for him?

Do I have to write up a schedule for him?( whenever we've come to some sort of schedule where H helps out with the kids stuff...it works for about 2 weeks. Then H starts cancelling due to work...)

I give up!!
It's more work for me to schedule for him!!

H knows this was the first week of school...H as done nothing.
H knows there has been soccer practice all week....nothing.

I told him about the first practice. H sent an email late in the afternoon saying he was going to try to make practice, but... he had to work too late and said....'at least it's just practice and not a game'

THAT'S MY POINT!!! For this entire last year...since last Labor Day weekend...H has only come to soccer games during September, October, April and May. And each of the 3 kids bday...and Easter.

H used to go to every practice and every game! H used to be a great soccer 'dad'...

I'm SO bored with this tonight!!

I feel good that I am probably doing a better job raising the kids all by myself than if H lived here! The kids may turn out okay!!!


AND....lately, I've had to deal with issues concerning boys...and raising them with manners and controlling their....urges and gestures...and after I go crazy on them I get SO FIRETRUCKIN MAD at 'dad'...for not giving ANYTHING to raising these kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

H has absolutely NO CLUE where these three kids are in their lives...they have been through 2 1/2 school years without him!

H yelled at me for holding them 'hostage'!! So...with help here, and church... I let go and it is FREEDOM

I planned to have him take the kids this weekend, but the kids have such fun plans with their friends. I'm also leary of contacting him for anything. H doesn't answer. If I leave an invitation, it gets ignored.

I guess I could just say 'Hi, you want the kids this weekend?"

How could he say no to that??? Do I have to force the kids to stay with him? Do I go with what the kids want or do I make the four of them reconnect?

I listened...and I heard H say he wants to reconnect with his kids.

H isn't doing anything.

I did all I could to step aside. I know it takes time, but you'd think he'd jump at the 'open door' to be with his kids.

I guess I'll see what happens at the first soccer game next Saturday....
...hopefully, I'll simmer down by then and be back in my 'as if' frame of mind.

I'm just really worn out right now.