Is it just sex....or more?????

[NikB]

I'm quoting/replying out of order a little bit because I want to end on the positive note with that challenge..

I did read the 10 steps and I will have to keep reading them for them to sink in.

Cool... keep reading. Those are your lifeline, truly.

I know the old R is dead and I don't want that R back, but I can't stop thinking about how he won't give us a chance for a new one....it would kill me if he found some girl to "put on a pedestal" and moved on forever......

No... it might hurt like he!! but it wouldn't kill you, unless you let it.

Take back control of your life and your emotions. You'll feel SO much better, I promise, even if it feels fake at first.

I'm not really doing much to get a life...it sounds pathetic but I just don't feel like being around anyone. I've lost over 30 pounds since he left in June does that qualify as doing something for myself?

Sorry... the "bomb diet" doesn't count.

I'd like to give you a little challenge - tonight, make a list of 10 things that make you happy/smile. They can be big or small, but preferably at least a couple of them are social and/or active.

If you're having trouble thinking of things that make you smile right now, think of things that made you smile years ago.

Then, make a commitment to yourself that you'll pick 3 things from that list (2 can be easy, 1 should be one of those social/active ones that'll require a little effort)... and DO THEM this weekend/week. With a smile. No matter how fake it feels.

Some of the "little" ones that worked for me...

- Flowers for your table.. Trader Joe's has pretty arrangements for cheap. Bel Air sells single varieties for $5 - and carnations last forever!

- Get your nails done (you're in Sac right? There are little nail salons in the strip malls EVERYWHERE that you can get a "polish change" as opposed to a full manicure, and it's only $5!).

- Get a new outfit that you really love... or try a new hairstyle. (OK the hair might not count as "little" )

- Rent and watch a favorite childhood movie (no sad ones!)

- Take a walk through the park; or, sit in the park and read a favorite book, or magazine.

- Call a friend and chat - NOT about your R, at all

OK... some of the bigger ones...

- Go to a movie. If you can't find anyone to go with you, no problem - it's OK to go to a movie by yourself! It's not that bad, I promise. In fact I noticed about a half dozen people by themselves at The Mummy last night (and I'm sure I only noticed because I felt so self conscious when I went by myself a few times.. but guess what? I never even NOTICED people there alone before.)

- Go to the state fair. Only 2 days left! It's OK to go there alone, too, if no one wants to go with you.

- Go to a meetup (no, it's not a dating site, it just sounds like one). Since I happen to be in the same area as you and I've gone to a number of meetups, I can even give you some very specific recommendations for good groups. Here are some that I've enjoyed very much:

Girlfriends a la Sex & the City
http://women.meetup.com/938/
They are very active - I think something like 30 women went to Crawdad's last week and watched a band. And they are an awesome, dynamic, strong group of ladies - perfect role models right now. They're doing a Salsa lesson soon... ever wanted to try that?

Out & About
http://socialnetwork.meetup.com/975/
Another awesome group. Kaybee, the organizer, is such a sweet, warm, kind lady. They do all kinds of stuff.. movies, road trips, heck last year I went to a pumpkin patch with them and then we carved pumpkins together.

Sacramento "Not so Single" Social Group
http://couples.meetup.com/421/
Jessica's another awesome organizer. They haven't had a ton of events recently but she'll be planning more soon.

Dining Out
http://diningout.meetup.com/443/
They've got 5 things listed just for September. I actually had this group over to my house earlier this year! They wanted to do a wine and cheese thing at someone's home and I bit the bullet and volunteered.. and had a blast.

Sacramento Professionals Activity Group
http://nightlife.meetup.com/434/
This one used to be really active... lately seems to be not as much, but it's still worth checking on.

Like wine? This one's great:
Vinous Envy: Wine Enthusiasts of Sacramento
(how can you not love the name??)
http://wine.meetup.com/267/
One of their members often hosts tastings at her house - those are a lot of fun.

Sacramento Scene
http://diningout.meetup.com/630/
This is more of a go out and party group.. lots of fun people.

Like to cook?
Step Up to the Plate - Culinary Adventures
http://cooking.meetup.com/368/
These are always wonderful get togethers!! I've been sad to miss the last few. They rotate themes and houses.

The hiking group is very active and everyone I talk to raves about it:
http://hiking.meetup.com/20/
(I can't go on those due to muscle issues)

... I could go on, but you get the idea. There are over 200 different meetup groups in our area.

I know the concept seems scary.. but I promise, I've been to well over a dozen of these groups, and they are just normal people like you and me. Yes a few strange folks once in awhile... but you find that anywhere.

(((CW)))