W came by today to use her computer to pay bills and check her e-mail. It's a weird situation because the room she's staying in at her friends really doesn't have space for her to take her desk. So for now, she comes by to visit D13, and spends 1/2 hour reading e-mail and paying bills online.
She left a check for $60 on my desk so I guess she's keeping her word and paying part of the car insurance and cell phone bill.
I didn't really say anything when I saw her, she seems 'happy' and was taking D13 to her friends house an hour away for an overnight.
We don't talk much, there's no reason to. The hardest thing for me to 'deal with' when I do see her is that she often wears pretty dresses these days as she's lost a good amount of weight and looks very nice.
Sometimes I let it hurt me because she didn't try to look pretty for me the past 10 years and now she's done it for her and I don't have her any more. I feel like I wasn't good enough.
I know it's not true, that it's her 'motivation' that has changed. She's 40 now and doesn't want to be 40. She want's to be 19 again. She wants to feel like men are attracted to her. And I'm sure they are. She's not 'hot' but she's pretty.
It's too bad that her lack of self esteem has had such a negative effect on our family.
I'm in a little bit of a down cycle today. Got to let go.
