Is it just sex....or more?????

[NikB]

((((CW))))

You're making mistakes, we all do. You're also improving on them and that's the important thing.

Just got off the phone with H. He told me he doesn't want "us" anymore...doesn't want to come back to me ever...that he's finally finding the happy person he used to be and doesn't ever want to be in our R again.

What prompted him to say all this??

Also... this is actually a great thing that he shared with you.

Your old R is over, and that is what he doesn't want. He doesn't want "our R" AS IT WAS. Doesn't sound like it was all sunshine and roses for you, either... so, look at THAT R as truly over, done, and in the past.

Now.. what you're hoping to do, is get him interested in pursuing a NEW R with you.

He's getting back to the happy person he "used to be" - work on doing the same for you. And you never know.. the new and improved happy healthy him, and the new and improved happy healthy you, might just come together again. Does that make sense?

He said he struggles with feeling guilty about leaving but he was miserable always wondering why it was I wouldn't be intimate with him and cannot get over it. He said that he doesn't want to string me along any longer by having sex as "it's not going anywhere" and it's just confusing to both of us.

See? He IS confused.

So... he's told you he no longer wants sex. But you KNOW he is attracted to you.

Every time he comes over look great, smell great, be happy and attractive. Maybe even flirt a little... but don't give in. Respect his stated "wishes"... while doing things that will likely pique his curiosity and desire for you.

I think I may need to just resign myself to this and move on...I asked him if that's what he wanted me to do and he said it was the only fair thing to do since he doesn't want to spend any time with me right now and doesn't see a future for us together.

Two things about this. First YES the faster you resign yourself to the OLD R being over and focus on yourself, the better your future will be - with or without him.

Second, "right now"... "doesn't see a future"... that's OK. Of course he doesn't, if he did, he wouldn't have left.

Over time, if you're consistent with your changes and being a positive, happy, whole, healthy person on your own.. he may just be able to see a future with THAT "you" after all.