J, you KNOW you and I have so much in common. Not only do I see a lot of similaritites (I kept that misspelling on purpose cause I think it's funny) between our sitches, but also personality-wise. The way I read us, IMHO, we both have strong sides, confidence in many areas, but deep insecurities that seem to come out with our H's. You second-guess yourself a lot, and so do I.
But the thing is--you don't need to. You have a lot of light inside you, it's apparent from even your posts. I know we both carry a lot of guilt about the way we acted in our M, but, I see as I get happier...it always takes two. Part of me thinks that the incredible light inside you is why H stays away from you. Why would anyone want to feel a party to squelching even half the brightness of that light?
I'm not saying dim that light in any way. I'm saying, cultivate the idea that you have that light, that it's strong, that you're forgiven for the mistakes you made, and let it help you feel the confidence that you have in many areas infiltrate your interactions with your H. You're doing great. He would be *blown away* if he realized someone was putting half the effort and love that you are into him.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
