Trixi, Thanks for your honesty. You are putting my feelings into words. I am also so afraid of the way we have set up our R. I allow him to do anything he wants becuase we are just dating, and honestly half the time, I dont know what he is doing since we still live seperate.
I guess that is why I am so concerned lately with where we stand. I love having our R back. I am fully dedicated to working on us and our M, and find it fun and challenging. I guess, over the last few weeks I find myself realizing that I have become a push over and accept way too much with out really voicing how I feel about his actions.
I guess in one way, this "overall acceptance" of my H is a good thing. But not when he is doing destructive things. So now I feel like I need to move on to the next step in the DBing process that I have not yet tried. And that would be to become more assertive in a calm and gentle loving way. That way, hopefully I will not end up exploding in a land mine.
I need to learn how to tell my H exactly what I want in our R. My needs are important, and I need to find a way of getting through to my H in a loving way about what I would like.
I have been too afraid to say anything up to this point because, every time I confronted him in the past he would just run. But I think that in the past, I would be cold to him and get mad while I was venting. I need to find a way to vent to him in a way as to not push him away. I need to not get defensive and just be honest with him about some of his actions. I still dont really know how to do it. But it is my next goal.
How are you feeling about your H's behaviors(drinking), do you say anything to him about it. Or is it not that much of a problem?
My H will say the same things about knowing it is not healthy for our M for him to be going to the bars alone. But he still does it. Weird - Huh??? TIPPER
