Energy, Hey, I just happened to be reading a book by Dr. Phil about relationship rescue and reconnecting with your Spouse. I found an interesting theory of how you may be feeling amoungst the reading.
The theory states that many people "give up" when they have tried every thing that they think they can do with no positive results (and this is a learned experience).
For example, when you put a dog in a room that has a floor painted half white and half red stripes and shock the dog every time it goes onto the red stripes, the dog will learn to not go onto the part of the floor that has the red stripes. And then if you put the dog in the same room and change the shock so that it shocks the dog every time it goes on the white part it will again do the same and learn to not go on the white part of the floor. But then when you put the same dog in the same room where the floor shocks the dog no matter where it stands it will give up and roll over. Then if you try to change the experiment again and go back to only shocking the dog when it goes on the red striped floor, it will still have given up and roll over and not look for another option and will not even try again to figure out safety even when pulled into the white safety zone. It is in another words a sense of learned helplessness.
This example of the dog may be what your feeling right now. You have felt like you have done every thing possible but still keep getting the shock. So your feeling like you want to give up, since you dont yet see any other solutions and believe that nothing else that you try will work.
My opinion is that there are probably things you may not of thought of yet that will get you what you want in the long run. This whole experience the LBS goes through is a learning process that will take a lot of time to really figure out what works and what doesnt. If it has worked, keep doing it. Something in your Wife's mind is not working for her in this relationship and it is up to you to figure out what it is. Even when they are in MLC, there are many things you can do that will experiment with to try and keep your R together.
So now, instead of giving up like the dog learned to, instead I urge you to keep seeking answers about what works with you two and what doesnt. Keep processing the information you gather and use it to find more solutions. Hopefully some day down the line it will pay off for you. We must be patient. TIPPER
