random Dommage

[Dom R]

Warning: long angry rant follows.



Had a talk with her a few days ago. I asked her when people should choose to forgive, and when not to forgive.

Previously, she had told one of our children, to "get over it" and accept an apology from his brother, when that one apologised to him for hurting him.
But with her to ME, it's all, "I still have hurt/resentful anger feelings about you".
No responsability. No acknowlegement that she has any ability to work on that.It's [not her fault/decision to make], it's "her feelings", and she just cant do anything about those.
And it would be bad to "fake forgiveness", if she feels those things.

So: to the rest of the world, the rules are, "dont let your feelings rule you; forgive family when they apologise". But to me, it's, "oh i cant do anything, 'cause you know, cant do anything about my feelings.. maybe some day i wont feel this way..."

I confronted her on the contradiction... and rather than acknowlege she is/has treated me badly...as usual, she decides to rewrite her standards of morality to make what she's doing to me ok.

"I made a mistake with the kids. Can't I make a mistake?"



----


I AM SO SICK OF HER TREATING ME IN THIS CRAPPY WAY!!!!

really sick of it. as in, right on the line of telling her to go to ---- .

I've worked my ass off for 2 years trying to make things better between us. and suffered agony for the 2 years before that, to the point where I had to go to the doctor for stress-induced backpains that wouldnt go away for months.
Her response: "you've changed some things. But you still do some things that you always did".
Yeah, that's right... I keep doing things that an average person, would consider normal, reasonable things for a husband to ask his wife. Things like asking her, "How about answering a question I ask you in something resembling a reasonable timeframe, rather than taking 5 days just to spite me and try to forget the question?"

Meanwhile, she almost never works at anything herself.
She "allows" things sometimes. rarely. But actively work on improving things between us? or make any kind of commitment... to ANYTHING?
Unthinkable.
She'd apparently perfer to just keep floating down the river with her latest boyfriend, where she doesnt have to really work at anything, but just soak up all the lovey-lovey feelings from her boyfriend, without any real responsabilities.

The latest one is a total idiot (26: 8 years younger than her), who thinks that she would never lie to him. I would laugh my a$$ off to see when he finally gets a rude awakening... if it didnt make me so angry what their fantasy romance is doing to our family. He's such an idiot it make take him more than a year to realize just how easily she lies.

I really dont feel like waiting that long.

----

Why would I want to work so hard to be with a woman, who

• never feels any responsability to do anything (and avoids any notion that she "should" ever do something)
• is never wrong(or at least, never admits it even when it's obvious)
• is never willing to make a commitment to anything
• is unfaithful to me
• plays passive-agressive control games on me
• treats any request from me to treat me better as "trying to control her"....
• says even if she forgives me (someday), we would never be closer than "co-parents"

AUUUGH!

The only reason I dont hate her, is because, like a grown up person, I make a choice, to attempt to manage my feelings, and not think about all the crappy things she's done to me too much.
The past is the past... but when she keeps treating me badly in the present as well, it's tough not to think about them.
I'm starting to feel hate creep in.


I wonder, is she ever capable of apologising, for what SHE's done? Of saying, " _I_ _was_ _wrong_. I treated you badly. It wasnt the right thing to do. I would like to treat you better from now on".

I have my doubts.