Christa, you always sounds so upbeat....I admire that.

Do you think your H would ask friends if it was a "set-up" for the two of you, or ask if you were coming also? I suppose it would be a guessing game right now as to what he would or would not do. And while I'm asking questions here(I always seem to be doing that on your thread) do you think your friends may not want to be placed in that position of feeling....in between the two of you? They may be kind of nervous about what to expect out of him also. But, then there are always some "match-makers" out there somewhere.

I know a lot of people don't understand you standing for your M but that is your personal busines, so try not to let it get your down.

I did have a crazy idea, but it would be a huge risk and it would take a lot of nerve. It is probably way too soon to jump into anything like this since he hasn't shown any signs of wanting to reconcile. Anyway, here it is for whatever it's worth....you can file it away somewhere.

You could send him a letter with no return address and not signed. You don't want to give away the secret of who is sending this "invitation" to him, so be careful about your wording or he will know it is you.....or maybe you would want him to know. That decision would be up to you, b/c this could make a turn either way. If you don't want him to have a clue as to who it is from.....then send it typed. Anyway, say something about there is a female (be sure to state that part...lol) admirer of his that would love to spend some private time with him. Then tell him which hotel/motel room it is in. When he sees that it is in a motel, then his imagination may go wild wondering who it could be or what it may lead to. That is one risk...right there! If he doesn't show up, you can think that he did not want to be with another woman........or you can think he figured it was you (lol), so either way could drive you nuts not knowing. Same thing is he shows up at the door.....but when you see his face, that should tell you the story by the expression. If he looks shocked.....then you will know he wasn't expecting you! If he smiles.....that will be good whether he was expecting it to be you or not, right?

Now as to how romantic of a setting you want this to be is all up to you. You may want to have a simple little room, or you may want to get a suite. Anyway, you could have something prepared to eat and drink as a before thing to have something to do (lol) in case conversation seems strained. Or if you want to spend the bucks.....have room service bring up dinner! Also, how you dress is however your mood may carry you. If you want to be daring......well, go for it (lol). If you want to just look sexy.....he knows how to peel off clothes. But, the risk....goes without saying, and you know what that is. He may turn around and leave when he sees it is you, or he may think that it is a set-up (which it is...lol) and get too nervous and leave, or he may think it is fun and go right along with whatever you have in mind.

I'm sure one of the first things he will want to know is what you are doing.....what is this all about....you know. So, you will need to be prepared with the answers. Be relaxed (fake it) and try to put him at ease and tell him that you wanted to be alone with him and that was the only way you knew how to get him there. If he asks why you didnt sign your name, just tell him you thought it would be more mysterious this way and make it fun. If he asks if you were testing him to see if he thought he would come to see if it was another woman......tell him you would not have gotten dolled up for a "test" (hummmmm?) The point is to keep it light and fun and just try to put him in a relaxed mood as soon as you can. Tell him to relax and that you aren't trying anything other than to be alone with him. When he asks why, tell him b/c you miss him very much. Tell him you did not want to meet him in a public place, or your place, or his or anywhere else.......and that you were afraid he would not come if he knew it was you or anywhere else. Just be honest. Then, offer something to drink....doesn't have to be alcoholic, but something, and have some fruit or whatever to snack on (or tell him dinner will be served whenever). He will be watching you to see what you have up your sleeve. So, again, I would just be upfront and tell him that you didn't that your purpose was not to trap him into coming to a talk session about R. You want to pretend that the two of you are just friends and can act like that and enjoy each others company. If he asks if that means friends with benefits......well, you take it from there, girl.

If he is not talking and things get too quite and come to a standstill.......and you begin to feel nervous and yet he doesn't show signs of really wanting to leave......maybe have a movie with you to show (?) hey.....ya gotta do something! Somewhere along the movie route is tell him, "You know what I miss? I miss you giving me one of your wonderful back rubs....or whatever he may have rubbed ( ) Or maybe you ere the one doing the rubbing on him and ask him if he would like for you to do that again.

If you get a place with the works.....water works, that is....like a hot tub or that other kind I can't spell (lol) hummmmm, my mind is going in all direcions, but it would be up to you to get him in it......LOL! However, the excuse of "relaxation" is always good. ;\)

If this man has any good sense at all, he will at the very least.....the very least, let you know that he wants to be friends again. If that is as far as it goes, then that is a beginning and more than you have right now. And, Christa, if he isn't talking and you will have to probably take the lead b/c I think he will be waiting to see what you are up to......just be honest and tell him that you miss him and wanted him to know that if you two can have nothing else can but friendship......that would mean the world to you. Then you have tossed the ball over to him and wait to see his response. Just be patient if he doesn't answer right away. I know you will be nervous and want to fill the silence with more talking, but remember, men have to process these things in their minds......and they are slow about doing it!

Anyway, that is sort of the overall idea......you can fill in the blanks...lol. It would be a very big risk and you may want to just take a small baby step to see if he would show up at a friend's house before going for the hotel idea. However, if you want to stop messing around and waiting until doom's day to find out where this man "is".......you could get it over with once and for all.......and that means it could go either way.....good or bad. Big risk. But, just an idea.

Well, I think (don't laugh) I have about wore my keyboard out! What will I ever do??? Go to Walmart and get another one! That is a great idea, thanks for telling me.

Take care,
Sandi

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!