Aud, I see what you're saying. It makes sense, and I agree that people can act in ways without being aware of it.
It seems like an issue of power, and the way to break this pattern is for me to socialize more as a couple, and allow others to see her poor behavior. Of course, this should not be the motive to socialize with my W. The reason to socialize is to broaden and deepen our social connections.
My pattern in the past has been to avoid socializing with her, due to the extent of our marital problems. I didn't want the world to see this.
I think there's enough connection in the M to now be public as a couple. Things don't have to be perfect.
I think no matter how much the M improves, she will always have some degree of reactivity--it's who she is.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
