Hey Lisa, Sorry, didnt mean to start a debate about confronting him! But at some point, and however small you start...perhaps there will come a time when you could ask some tentative questions of him, or do you feel that that is a scary prospect? I was in your sitch in many ways a month or so ago. I kept thinking, I'll wait, I'll keep doing what I'm doing, making it safe for him, hanging out.. he was probs more in contact with me than your H was, ringing every night, seeing me alot at weekends. But, I had no 'hold' on him and as, like your H, he'd never said anything or made me any promises, my prescence in his life was still on a knife edge. So I waited, as I didnt want to frighten him off, or push him away etc... and then what happened? I missed my chance and he is no longer emotionally available to me.
I'm not saying that the sitch with you and your H will fade away, as mine did, but perhaps there is a risk if you leave it another month, year, etc, you may miss the boat altogether. But then, people only do what they want to do, whether you ask them why they are doing it or not, I guess !
How are you feeling about things today, now you've had time to reflect on it?
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Thank you for all your thoughtful posts and for visiting me. What a nice thing to come here and find all your advice!
Madame- Monica isn't too bad- definitely not as obssessive as she is
Handsome- don't bother with the trunks
Michelle, ITH- yes, I do feel as though our conversations are becoming more open and relaxed. There's a bit more banter, and it's fun, like when we first met and started dating. I see it as a really good sign (and hope it's not just a 'friends' thing).
Mishka- yes, they did have a program on here about lady bits! It was interesting, and at points excruciatingly uncomfortable. Like Julia- I had to cross my legs and was almost wincing at some points. Definitely a conversation topic though! Here's a summary
Jen- ask him to play with my tinky. LOVE it, although I'm not sure I'm brave enough to try that yet! I did say to him yesterday that me touching him arm didn't mean I was going to jump his pants. He laughed, so maybe a tinky suggestion in a jokey way could work! Thank you for saying you don't think he loves the aub.!
Julia- I love that Malteasers ad! I was thinking of Verdi with you if you're still on for it? 'm not sure about whether the talk is creating sexual tension. I was thinking about that. It is for me, but I can't really tell for H. What I do know, though, is that he was thinking about the conversation the next day because he mailed me a suggestion (beaver) that we hadn't got. (Can't believe I could have omitted that one!). I see that as a good thing- the more he associates naughty bits with me, the better.
Ali- I actually thought the conversation we had was a good thing, because it was fun and funny, and totally didn't require any brain effort. When H and I first met we used to play a 'top five' game. What are your top five ice creams, roast dinners, bus routes, TV programs, songs, movies etc. It was fun and created an energy between us that naughty bits have over the past couple of days. I don't think it reflects any issues in that department- we didn't really have any as far as I was aware-who knows, maybe we did and I just couldn't tell. I'll think more about this.
T, Ali, Mishka, Jen, ITH- I've been thinking about what to do in relation to bringing up an OR talk. In May when H and I were at a similar point in having a good R and spending time together, I did bring one up. H got really upset, said he was confused and he still loves me, that we could work this out and he would fix it and then practically disappeared off the face of the earth for 2 months. Because of that, my inclination would be not to bring one up because I think he'll say he's confused again, get scared and disappear again. I have to accept the uncertainty for now and see how things go- no pressure, detached etc etc. MLCers (from what I understand) balk at pressure, and DB Coach said I have to focus on helping him feel better about himself and to be ready for a long haul.... on the other hand, I'm not discounting an OR talk at some point in the future. My heart tells me that right now isn't the time.
ITH, Jen- I haven't discussed this with DB Coach. We just focussed on getting more energy into the interactions and having more fun, which might lead to a closer R and eventually to some romance. Who knows. In the meantime, I do think I have to think about alternative routes to having children (thanks mishka for the prompt). The sperm bank is probably the best route for now- I'm not interested in any of the men I've met so far but never say never.
So, H and I exchanged a few e-mails yesterday afternoon. very ligh, bantering content which was fun. I really feel like there's been a change in our interactions- we're having fun with each other as opposed to talking seriously about interests and things. Hopefully in the meantime, the interactions with the aub are becoming more tense. H looked at the Proms listings and we agreed to try Rachmaninov or Tchaikovsky as he likes both of them, and also to go for dinner beforehand.
And a bit of other banter (which I initiated- we forgot possum on our list).
One thing that I'm not sure I posted about yesterday was that H said he's thinking of doing some volunteer work in his spare time, and that he'd started reading the website he used to subscribe to pre-S. I see that as a good sign on both counts- he's reclaiming his old self, who used to visit cancer patients at the local hospice and sit with them, and who used to have a passion for getting our finances and house in order through advice on that wesbite. I hope these are good signs.
You bevy of British Beauties have a marvelous time tonight! I'll be there with you in spirit.
(((((((((((((Lisa))))))))))))
You are amazing! You are handling your H so well and have your focus very directed and I'm proud to call you friend! Sorry about bringing up the kid sitch. It's a little close to my heart. One of my best girlfriends had a sitch with her fiance (former now) walking out 1 week before their wedding, years of him stringing her along and her wanting children so desperately and now it's too late for her. She's been in therapy for the last two years trying to overcome the trauma. I'm not saying you would have that outcome, just that I have seen the pain that can be caused and would hate for you to find yourself in that same situation.
Be FAB!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Mishka- point taken about your friend. I have no intention of letting things go too late- this (birth) year is the year. Thankyou for caring enough to share the story about your friend.
ITH- my day's going OK so far. Busy, and I've only made it through my banana and peas so far (I eat fruit all day!), but CEO is in a bit of a mood which is never ideal.
I exchanged a couple of texts (i.e. two) with H yesterday- just some naughty bits names banter (I initiated with a couple of suggestions of my own), and then a bit about the football. H replied to one of the texts almost immediately, which I was pleased about. When the aub isn't there he's responsive and interactive so that's all good. I guess we'll see if he contacts me today.
The Proms were amazing last night- very dramatic and Julia gave me some good material to discuss with H about brass instruments (which I can do in a naughty way if the opportunity arises).
Good for you being busy! I seem to remember having a goal about only checking the boards once per hour, but I'm not there yet!
I think it sounds like you are seeing a lot of positives with your H. Exchanging fun texts is always a good thing :). I especially like how flirtatious you're able to be!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
