So, I went out with H for lunch today. Things were a bit more dubdued, but we laughed a bit, which was good. We just sat on a park bench and then had a little walk but both of us are pretty tired, so there's not too much to tell. We did continue the conversation about breasts and willies a bit though, so that was nice.
Also, H recommended a website to me that he always used to read. He said he hadn't been on it for a while but had recently started reading it again. I said I used to love it when he told me he'd read something on there and was changing our phone provider (or similar things), and how it was very manly. He smiled, so I hope he liked the validation.
He's cleaning his room tomorrow (!!) and playing football on Sunday. I hav a few things planned, and he said my weekend sounded busy. When we said goodbye we had a short hug and he kissed me on the cheek and said to have a good weekend. I said he should let me know how the cleaning goes (I'm a bit like Monica from Friends in liking things to be organised!).
We've exchanged a couple of e-mails so far this afternoon. H is looking at the proms website to see if he likes the sound of any of the concerts (Julia- you are a goddess- Verdi sounds great!). He's also going to do a fantasy football team on the same site I'm doing mine on, so we'll have a little thing to talk about there as well, I hope.
Why dont you ask him? Just ask him! H.. its lovely to spend time with you and I really enjoy meeting for dinner, but I have found the past 6 months quite confusing, how do you feel about it?
Theres an awful lot of talk about willies/boobs/porn etc...last night, again on email, at lunch...how do you really feel about having what sounds like rather immature, teenagerish boy convos with him all the time? Do you think this could be a clue as to what is going on with him? (especially as he said he wanted to live in a swedish brothel when he left). From here, he sounds kind of obsessed with this stuff, as it came up last time you met, I remember. So why is that? What is he 'acting out' about?
It all sounds 'good' but no change. You could take some control...you could ask him why he holds your hand under the table when he has been seeing soemone else for a year..
dont listen to me!...I just went for C and she urged me to think of my own needs, within the framework of leaving the door open for him.
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Have you seen the Malteasers advert where she doesn't feel naughty enough for eating the Malteasers? Aubergine is a Malteaser (wow, that is a completely random phrase!!). They are good at first, then you realise there isn't much to them, the excitements gone when you realise it is no longer naughty to eat them as they are 'low' calorie (well, semi-naughty because you know you shouldn't really be eating them) but at the same time you have to go and flash the office workers to create that added zing. She is a malteaser... and no, before you ask I am not on drugs this afternoon , the above analogy makes perfect sense to me
You, on the other hand, are becoming naughtier with all your talk of woman on woman action, willies and that most disturbing programme I also saw and nearly passed out watching. Do you think you are creating sexual tension there??
Was that a yes to the Verdi, or were you wanting to go with your h (I might have misunderstood whilst getting caught up with paralleling your sitch to a Malteaser advert - sorry Lisa!)
I must say for starters.......you have shows on TV there specifically about "lady bits"? Are you kidding????? We are seriously repressed over here! They don't do shows like that on Discovery Health Network that only a small percentage of the country gets.
Lisa - The date with H sounds like it went well but no real change. It sounds like you were further confused by it as you had what would be considered a very intimate conversation (at least by American standards) even if put in a scientific context, he held your hand, kissed your head, gazed into your eyes.....that sounds like a man in love but he's not moving forward. I know Ali said that you need to ask him, I don't totally disagree with that. R talk is going to have to come up again at some point and I can almost guarantee you that he is not going to be the one to bring it up.
It is scary to bring up the subject you have avoided with him for so long but your life is hanging in limbo for a year now. How long do you want it to remain that way with your H throwing you crumbs? How long are you willing to put your life on hold for him? I'm not saying that I think you should push the subject, I'm only saying that IMO you need to answer these really hard questions for yourself sooner than later. To be blunt, you have said you want children, time is a'wasting.
I hope you and Julia get to go to the Proms together to hear Verdi! Beautiful!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Lisa, I think Ali is right just ask him! What did your coach say. I think that a 180 would be to actually ask him about everything. I don't think he feels sorry for you and I certianly don't think he loves the witch. He's still very confused but his actions are not helping either of you. I think you need claification quickly.
And sheesh the convos that you have with him! Next time ask him he wants to play with the tinky lol
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
great!!!! JOB!!!!!! I am so proud!!!! H must be REALLY comfortable with you to talk about all these... ladies bitlets and everything! so many positives.
sweet one, I know others are recommending you bring up some R talk and ask some questions but--if he is acting confused on the outside (if nothing else, for example, taking you out for din at a nice french restaurant on your anniversary and then showing you on his phone (accidentally) that he is still talking to the aub)--if he is acting confused on the outside it is probably because he is confused on the... inside!!! so if you ask him for information it will probably be.... confusing!! I doubt anything he would tell you right now would be that conclusive or clarifying!! I personally would recommend to continue to do what you're doing until he is ready to talk about it... but that is just my 2 cents and you can always take or leave my advice!!!
I hope you have a beautiful weekend! LOVELOVELOVELOVE T
Sounds to me like you are making real progress with him, and that he is very receptive to all of your gestures. Also, sounds like you are definitely having flirtatious talk, so this is (at least I think) a very good sign.
So have you talked to a DB coach? I'm intrigued by the suggestion that you just talk to him and ask him how he's been feeling. If you've never talked about your feelings openly with him before (if this is in fact the case) it seems like it would be an experiment worth trialling. However it's also pretty risky, so I'd get the opinion of a coach if at all possible. Do you know where he sees the R at the moment? Has he ever said whether he's still open to trying etc.?
Hope you're having a good weekend,
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
, the above analogy makes perfect sense to me 