Divorce was final today

[thrillisgone]

Nugget - All your questions are fair. Swing away! There is no such thing as a perfect spouse. I made my share of mistakes along the way but nothing to justify divorce. If anything I romanced my wife and made sure that we shared time together. I'm the guy who sent dozens of roses. I'm the guy who turned the lights down, cooked a meal for my wife, poured her wine and LISTENED to her. I valued her opinion. We were best friends. I NEVER missed an anniversary. I made it a point to celebrate our marriage. My wife used to tell me that our home and marriage was her sanctuary and that she felt safe.

Did I help her deal with the changes (hormones & hysterectomy)?
I did the best I could. I researched for her, encouraged her to talk about how she felt and NEVER said one thing negative about the physical and emotional changes. I didn't care. I love her.

I told her I loved her EVERY DAY.

For the record, my wife told me she loved me and that I was a great guy WHILE she was having an affair and asking for a divorce! She told family that I deserved better.

She told me a week before she left that she did not want a divorce, did not want to separate and that we would work "this" out. Then she left.

I'm good pal but I ain't that good. This is a woman in crisis. This is a great woman who is taking a cocktail of steroids and hormones and god knows what else at this point. She refuses to see a counselor, a mainstream doctor (endocronologist or OBGYN)is drinking heavily and having an affair with a guy the same age as her father ( who incidentally is terminally ill).

So yeah, she pretty much went off the deep end. There are issues in everyones life and in everyones marriage. Healthy adults communicate. We didn't make it 30 years total by accident.

There is NO justification for an affair. It is emotional homicide. Healthy people fight for thier marriages if they truly KNOW what LOVE is. I'm not a mind reader and I'm far from perfect. I was a good husband. It isn't by coincidence that things began to come apart about the same time my W's hormones went South.

I took my vows very seriously. Richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad etc. We live in an overindulged, fast food mentality, cut and run culture. It is no wonder the divorce rate is so high. My ExW will probably learn the other stats are worse. Second marriages have around a 60% divorce rate. Marriages to affair partners fail 75% of the time and 80% of people who divorce because of an affair turn out to regret their decision.

I'm not taking responsibility for what I don't own and I'm happy to take responsibility for what I do own. If I sound alittle pissed off I am. (not at you) At her. At the disintegration of a very important institution.

Did I get blamed for this? Oh, yeah! AFTER the affair became known. Before that it was "How can you love me after what I've done to you" i.e. leaving suddenly.