Divorce was final today

[Nugget]

thrillisgone, don't take what I am going to say as a personal attack. I realize you are most likely just venting. But, I am just going to swing a few 2X4's your way (it's what I do best). Answer them if you want. But if you do. Answer them honestly.

In the last 3 years she changed drastically due to hormone problems, hysterectomy etc.

Did you help her to deal and cope with these changes? Where you compassionate and understanding? Did you make negative comments to her about these changes? Did you point out to her how badly they were affecting her and how different she was now? I ask, because I have seen my brother destroy not one, but two, of his marriages over this very thing. Both times he became a total ass to his wife and they finally had enough and divorced him.

She tossed a 30 yr relationship and 22 year marriage without one day of MC.

For the 22 years that you were married, did she feel like you loved her? Did you always tell her you loved her? Did you show her? Did she just all of the sudden one day get up and walk out on your marriage of 22 years? Did she just one day find someone and say, "Now there is someone I can love. I am out of here." Did she throw you any warning signs? Did she ever tell you she was un-happy with the marriage? Did she ever voice any concern to you? People do not just one day all of the sudden realize that we are not happily married and walk out of the marriage that same day. It is something that happens over a long period of time. There is something that is something that is bothering our spouses, eating at them, destroying their respect for us, causing them not to admire or love us any more. They can go months years or even decades with these negative feeling decaying their love bond for us. It is only when we can not bare it any that they want out or seek others to replace us. More often then not they have shot several signal flares up into the sky above our heads, warning us that they were not happy. Trying to get our attention. Trying to get us to notice their pain. But alas more often then not we either say we did not see the flares, when we really did but chose to ignore them. Or we say them and said that it has to be just an accident. She sent that flare of accidentally. She is fine, she does not need anything.

I had to console her the day the divorce was granted. She was shaking, crying and looked awful. Yet she is the one who left the marriage and had an affair. Demons? Yeah...just a few.

So when she married you this is what she had planned on happening 22 years later? At the 22 year mark she said, "Well here is were I get off. I committed myself to 22 years. That time has come, now I am off to find the next person to care for me and love me."

Perhaps what I need to do is walk away and not look back. Very painful experience. I'm not sure I'll ever be the same.

That is only something that you can decide. I am sure that she has suffered a large amount of pain on her side also. I am sure you both feel worn and torn and weary from the battle. Hopefully you will not be the same. Hopefully you will grow and learn from all of this. You will take this experience and make something good out of it. A better life for yourself? A better life for someone else? A better life for you ex? Who knows. That is all up to one person. YOU! [u][/u]