Q&A with the WAS

[christarn]

BH~ No prob, ask away!! Glad to share all that I can.

"Was it a slow process for you to want to R or did it just hit you one day?"

It was a slow process for me. After leaving, we tried MC, then OW was in picture...I got flustered, as we were supposably working on our M, so I filed for D. He continued to call for about 1-2 months give or take. After that, I slowly started to think...Wow, what in the hell have I done. I really just started to miss him. It was simple things that really started to hit me...fixing our favorite meals and eating it alone; not having him there when I needed someone to talk to; not hearing his voice when I came home...it slowly got to me. 19 mos later, I still can not imagine living my daily life without him being there. Even though were are separated, there is not a day that passes that I am not hopeful our R/M will be restored and be even better. How I explained to him that I wanted to try to work on things is rather crazy. We started texting...at first he was really angry towards me...then slowly he started to warm up. One day he said we should talk, so I held him to it. I said that sounds great, so we met at a bar...he wanted to talk about me buying a house...and I told him how I felt...I will never forget the look on his face. He did not know whether to slap me or cry...i will never ever forget the expression on his face when i uttered the words, i think we can work this out...

"DO you think that the WAS wants to R awhile before they tell LBS but wait to say anything because they are afraid that things will go back to being so awful, like when they left?"

I waited, first off, just because we had a hard time finding a day that we could meet. Second, I was terrified of his response, was he going to say hell no, was he going to agree and say yes. I honestly believed he would be all go, and say yes...but here I am, 19 mos. later, still trying to show him that we can work this out, that I am not who I was then, and never want to be that person again. I have strived so hard to make positive changes within myself, and I would just like to be afforded the chance to show him the changes. We did put our D on hold, and talk on and off. I just don't think he honestly knows what it is that he wants. I truly understand the hurt I put him through, but we are the only ones that can help eachother...nobody else can help him make the hurt I caused go away...except me.

hope this helps
(((brokenhearted)))
christarn