Dear brokenhearted, thank you for your sweet words and for your concern for my D. She is not well, but she said things would have to get worse before she would consent to go through those terrible tests again. As a mom, that is hard to watch.......going through the tests and the suffering.

I lost a close relative/friend this past Saturday and with everyting else kind of building up on me at work and all, I could see that I wasn't handling myself quite the way I need to be here on the board. But everytime I try to back away, it is so hard to do for longer than two or three days. (lol) I just feel that if I can say or do anythingthat might help just one couple from divorcing, it will be worth it to me. So, when someone like you sends a post like this.....well, I can't help myself.

Quote:
I dont want to be another person pulling on you when you already have too many directions to go, so I am just going to ask you a question here instead. Sorry if you have already answered this at some point in the past, but you have soooooo many post out there I did not find the answer. When you finally decided that you wanted back into the R, did you just try to ease back in or did you jump? Was your heart telling you that you still loved your H but your head was saying no?


Never feel that you are pulling on me or that you are being a burden. I take it as a compliment that anyone would even want my advice. Although I feel that my stitch is somewhat different than most here on the board, I do think I can identify with the feelings of a WAS very well! To answer you question about easing back into the R or jumping........I can tell you there was never a "jump" at any time....lol. I have not read your entire stitch, but I did read a few of the posts and I saw where it appears that your H is trying very hard to reach out to you. I also saw where you were......shall we say, not making it very easy for him? (lol) Well, maybe he doesn't deserve to have it easy, I don't know b/c like I said, I have not read the stitch. Just be careful and don't over-kill if he is sincere in wanting to make things up to you. It seems that he is trying to do little things he thinks will please you and maybe "romance" you a bit?

My advice, sweetheart, is if you still feel in love with this man and if he is sincere and consistant with his actions and "walking the talk"......then you may want to consider allowing him to get closer to you and not play the "hard to get" game quite so much. However, if he has not had time to get whatever was the problem (OW, MLC, or whatever) out of his system.......he needs to be completely healed and have that "problem" over with--before you allow him to get involved with you again unless you want to risk another heartbreak. It takes a lot of time to get over things. I think some couples try to jump right into "Piecing" the M together again when they just need to focus on trying to get healed first. So, to answer your question, it was very slow baby steps for us. Since my stitch was a little different, I think that had a lot to do with it. It was "my" feelings that I had to work on...and I'm still having to work on them. Everyday is a baby step toward the right direction. As long as a couple is doing that much.....it will add up very quickly.

I will try to read up on your stitch so I will know more about it. Thanks again for caring. I appreciate it.

Sandi

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!