I've been thinking a lot about this lately, and I've been doing some research. I definitely know that I'm always available. I'm always agreeable. I'm always patient. I'm an encourager. I know that I'm the pursuer. I don't smother, but he knows that he almost doesn't have to try. I'm always kind. I never get angry at him or anyone. I know that I put the quality of my life on hold for him and to wait for him. I must look pathetic in his eyes. I want to lead by example. I want to show him that I respect myself by pursuing my life. I keep looking over my shoulder to see if he is noticing. 'Acting as if' I'm so happy even when I'm not is so difficult and tiring, but I know that I want to be strong. I'm glad we are talking again after 1-1/2 years, though. It isn't any easier. It is always so easy to slip back to past behaviors. I keep measuring myself constantly. I miss him very much.
