I thought of myself and my husband. Was I at all to blame for his behavior? { not his drinking but his attitude and behavior towards me? }
Go directly to jail. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200.
Capiche?
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Yesterday we got along well. Hubby drank less than usual , again. He was very laid back, for the most part, a side of him ' we ' { the kids and I } hardly see. He is usually tired or grumpy. { from work or other annoyance}
It feels different, and it is hard to explain. He is interacting with us in a more real and genuine way. I am excited about this. And I am also very actively not holding expectations. I hope and pray he gets well. But I will not interact with him anymore in a way that suggests I am waiting for him to ~FULLY~ get better before we can start to live. Or because of my fear of abandonment? Love him but at the same time have my wall erected very firmly. :roll: This wall that is supposed to protect me does just the opposite. I am getting better at being strong and pretty much rolling my eyes { inside of course, I wouldn't do it in front of him } when he acts like a fool. Or yells. It is pretty much hot air and the more I don't RE~ACT the less he does this. I don't hold out false hope that he is going to be transformed into Prince Charming. Nor do I want that. I dated a guy like that once.... he was soooooooooooooooooo nice. And after while for some Un ~Godly known reason he bored me. Whatever my husband has { Minus the A**Hole remarks ,short temper that he has , and booze :roll: } is just the right mix for me. He attracts me, he turns me on, he makes me want to be a better person. He makes me want to slap him once in awhile too and that is where we still need work. But to me it feels amazing that I am still so sexually and emotionally attracted to him after almost 12 years.
Yesterday he was just laying there , beside me on our bed and we were finished watching a movie. I felt such sexual energy looking at his body. He had jeans on and no shirt. I do realize that more than anything the way he acts with me gets me going and gives me this sexual charge more than anything. It helps me to feel comfortable in my own skin around him. Not for him or because of him but b/c of the energy it brings. I don't have to waste so much time fighting against him and his ugliness. I can use that energy to enjoy him. To enjoy myself.
I cant say he hit rock bottom... but something is in the air and it is positive it is real... it is different. He used to ass kiss and back pedal or try to but me. All of which didnt make for a Happy me~ or him. Now it is better.
I am optimistic today and yes I realize he could just stop and or pull the rug. I wouldn't like that but I would have to know and accept I have done my very best. I cant spoil him anymore. I have to love him and if that means to keep allowing him to grow on his own and stop checking the progress every day then so be it. I have to trust this and let go even more. It works.
I hope things go well for you and H this weekend. I know weekends are full of temptations to fall back into bad habits, especially when that bad habit is excessive drinking.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
ACJ~ I have missed you. How is your daughter doing? I hope better. Yes, things are better. My H may have hit 'rock bottom' in the past few weeks. I myself hit an all time low when he had his blow out and said he was done with me. I am doing even more things for me, from a healthy standpoint , not a selfish or vindictive one. Slowing down and taking time to do things I enjoy too. I also have started to lose weight just for me. Prayers and blessings... ~Ali
have missed you. How is your daughter doing? I hope better
Thanks for asking Ali. She has not be quite so down in the last week or so. She didn't like it when I took away the webcam and had her MySpace account deleted but she has had to accept it. She did however reinstate her MySpace account so I am trying to get them to ensure that this can't happen again in the future.
She has missed two periods now. I did take her to the doctors when she missed her first as she was also complaining of tummy cramps and he diagnosed irritable bowel but I am going to take her again this next week as I'm really concerned about this. It may just be stress (I pray it is) but I don't think I can afford to relax on this issue until I have some very clear answers.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I am doing well and have not had much time to post or even catch up with you all. This move is going well.... but it is taking longer than I thought. Also today I over did it and now my back is sore. I moved things I shouldn't have. All by myself. My eating has been good and yet i feel like I am standing still. I know once we are more settled this will all fall in place.
And believe it or not .... the stuff of Ripleys....
My hubby didn't do his usual Saturday go to the bar nonsense. WE had company this weekend and didn't do much moving. He did drink a little too much. But I can see and feel that he is still making progress.
He walked up to me Sunday morning and says to me
" HONEY, I FINALLY FEEL LIKE THIS IS MY WEEKEND."
For years he would complain that he never felt like he had a weekend to enjoy himself and relax and have fun. We are getting along much less toxic {FIB } and we are having some fun too. I am better able to be assertive and compassionate at the same time.
I am very tired and have so much to say and catch up on. Hopefully tomorrow.
Love you all and will post more soon. I am well , the kids are fantastic and my Hubby is doing much better. And listening more......
