Phil, man, I know how it feels.
You need someone to talk to. If I were there I would drive up to see you.

But you need to find someone. Pastor, buddy. Preferably a counselor, though. Your buddy will just be angry with her on your behalf, and will tell you "hell, you don't need her." (That's what my buddies did).

Quote:

I don't care what the book says. I can't do it. Everytime I'm around her I melt. I can't do it...

I can't do it


You know the rules for electrical runs that are designed to handle 25A versus 20A, and so on. If you follow the rules, and run only 15A on a 20A circuit, things work out better. If you run 20A off a 15A circuit, something's gonna trip.

If you inflate your tires to 18 psi, you'll wear your tires more, maybe get a blowout. If you follow the instructions and use 32psi, you're good. Things work better.

Same thing here. There are instructions, rules, guidelines for this system you are fiddling with - this wife who walked away. There is an instruction manual. In part it says:

  • no blaming
  • no questioning
  • get a life and look happy every time she sees you
  • make every interaction a positive one.
  • no demands
  • patience
  • no enlisting the kids on your side.
  • do not show her how hurt you are.


Dude, I'm telling you. I did this. I followed your path. I was hurt, and I let it show, and you know what, it was repulsive to her. I didn't do it on purpose or as a weapon. It felt honest to me. But still, it was repulsive. Seeing my pain, she felt guilty for hurting me, and that just made her run faster. I wished, damn I wished, that I could have been stronger. I see now that my hurt was the final nail in the coffin. Ironic, no? I felt like she dropped a house on me, and I was hurt by it. But the reason our marriage ended was not because she dropped a house on me (and left). It was because I was hurt and she didn't wanna come back to that.

Damn Phil, I'm sorry.

If you are strong, you will put your self in a better position to recover this marriage. But you need to be strong now, and patient. No more attacks on her. no more guilt. No more pressure. let her run for a while. I know it hurts dude.


ps: you're right, don't let your 6 yr old see you crying. IT will scare him, and it will get back to your wife, who will run further. Cry all ya want, not to your son, though.