Is he starting to come home?

[NikB]

Hey brokenhearted - checking in as you asked, I don't have a lot of time now but will definitely post more this weekend.

YES, they definitely test the waters and it sure sounds like your H might be doing that. It may be relief that it's "over," as you say, but it sounds more like he's trying things out to me.

Keep strong and keep your focus on your happiness. That's the key mistake I made - when H DID come back, I fell too quickly back into old habits, especially "losing" myself a bit in him. If you keep focused on you and keep those positives going, yes he might hurt you again, but it won't hurt NEARLY as bad.

I think ROOT had great advice for you along those lines.

The DB coach had great advice, also.

You're doing a great job empathizing and seeing things from his point of view - that's very helpful, for sure.

I DO think you're getting way too focused on him again. You NOT focusing on him is what's got him thinking... let him keep thinking. Just for example, your goal about him buying you a birthday card - yes, it would be nice if he does, but that's not a goal. It's a wish or a hope. You can't control it. And, you're setting him up very unfairly for a "test" he doesn't even know about. If he does buy you a card, it's "a big step" in your eyes... he doesn't know this. He might buy you a card to be cordial, and you take it as "OMG he's coming home!!!" - Make sense?? It changes how you act/react around him.

What goals do you have for YOU this weekend?

And... Happy Birthday, by the way!!!