So XH calls me at 1:00am and is crying. He starts begging me to take him back. Saying that he really messed up and that no one will love me as much as I do. That he has a sexual problem and should have sought couseling instead of finding another woman.
Wow.
Sometimes I hope I never have to hear this from H. Its almost easier when they leave and don't turn around with regrets, isn't it?
At this point in time, you have done the right thing. If he is serious about wanting you back, MAJOR steps would have to take place: completely done with OW, in counseling, etc. Your heart and mind....such a hard battle.
Sorry that I haven't dropped by. Everything sounds good for you (not so great for ex.) You know he is saying alot but he certainly isn't showing the actions needed to back them up. You are doing the right thing, so don't feel bad. Now go get a third date!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
If you ever want to consider reconciling, it needs to be on YOUR terms. And I agree, that means that H gets his act together FIRST. Approach it as if you did not have a history - he's just a guy who you have met, that might be an interesting "prospect".
What's that, you say? He already HAS another girlfriend? Hmmm, not a good prospect!
What's that, you say? He has "problems" and won't raise a finger to address them? Hmmm, not a good prospect!
What's that, you say? He's clingy and whiny and pathetic? Hmmm, not a good prospect!
Let's see him shake off his nasty little OW first. Let's see him deal with his problems. Let's see him stand on his own two feet and be a man. Then, well, who knows?
But in the meantime, our Sara has some joyful living to do!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
You are right...I DO have some joyful living to do and I am doing that. I have heard from so many people in the past few days how happy and relaxed I seem compared to the past months. And I do feel a lot "lighter" and not dragged down if you know what I mean. I haved been GAL as much as I can. And I just signed up for the women's dinner and a movie group at church. Plus I am still taking those guitar lessons.
I feel sorry for xh. I honestly do. He can't afford anything anymore. He has it rough all around and is miserable. I don't like seeing anyone like that. However, I know that he made that choice. He could still be with me and not have to worry about money the way he is now. However, he decided to choose the OW and at that moment, he made the choice to leave what he had with me. I still feel sorry for him.
If he was a brand new man in my life, I would not be interested in him. He looks awful. He has nothing to offer and is just all around pathetic. I wouldn't mind being friend with him, but I could never see any more than that. I am not closing the door to ever reconciling, but it seems unlikely right now.
The new guy is so nice. I just can't get over it. How drama free he is. How kind he is. He helped me with my paper work on the house and then he helped me put together a chair that I recently bought. All the while he was humming and chatting with me. And before he left he gave me a kiss. He is just so sweet. He isn't the most handsome man, but his personality totally makes up for it. This is someone I can see myself spending more time with....not my xh.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Wow Sara. I know that is hard. I think you are very strong....I am not sure I could be so strong. Rob is right in saying you should think of him as a guy you just met when it comes to reconcilling.
You don't have to completely close the door, but you deserve so much better than you were getting.
You sound so good. So much better than a couple of months ago, I hope you can see how strong you have become.
If he was a brand new man in my life, I would not be interested in him.
The new guy is so nice. This is someone I can see myself spending more time with....not my xh.
Sara, how wonderful! Good for you! I agree you sound really strong right now. That is a great thought to think of xh as someone you have just met and evaluate him that way. My stbx too is in sorry shape - anyone deserves better than that in a relationship.
Me 40 H 39 2nd M- 6 months No kids Previous D, 1st M DBer from 2003
it has been a crazy couple of days! I put my foot down about all of exh's junk in my garage and he has finally started to move it all out. He even took the HUGE recliner in his SMALL car. It was so funny, I took pictures out of the window.
He decides to start arguing over who gets what stuff NOW. Huh? I typed up a list of who gets what and gave it to him in early June. He did make any changes and mumbled it was fine. Then I gave those lists to my lawyer and they became "exhibits A & B" in the divorce settlement. He agreed to all of it. Why does he wait 2 months later to start bickering over what he wants? It is too late. He was mad because I kept a picture of a lion that I had bought him one year for his birthday. I always loved that picture and he never liked it. So I decided to keep it. So I told him that he got $6,500 and so I can get the lion picture.
He is still sending me text messages. I dont' mind too much. They are just odd. Telling me that he is so glad that I have always been a part of his life, that he misses me, that I am a good person. Whatever. And he called me yesterday to tell me that he passed his nursing exam. I was truely happy for him. I know this will open job opportunities and get him to a better place. I also think that he doesn't know what to do without me. When he has good news, I was the first person he turned to tell. I dont' think he ever stopped loving me.
Well my break is over. Time for recess duty.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I am not going to answer the telephone when he calls as much. It is getting to be borderline harassment. He keeps telling me how much he messed up. We all know that. But I won't bail him out this time. He is scared. I am not scared anymore.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
