Thx Lola. I got a call today while out with my best man for lunch. I've got an in person interview with a company close to the house at 1530. But, my best man also asked me to forward him my resume and he thought he might be able to hire me in to work for him and I'd only need to be in the office 1 day / week. So, that has my spirits perked up. I'm going out with 2 friends this evening where I will flirt shamelessly and hit on hot single women and sometimes even drag them off to the dance floor for wild crazy dancing.
Yes, I do need a break. I had a "break" on the third weekend in July for my e-mail list BBQ, except my MIL was in town and W blasted me with the "No actual parenting is being done" statement which of course she can't remember saying.
No, I'm feeling much better and a lot stronger after this morning's posts and realizing that it really is the death throws of the old me that is causing so much grief. It doesn't really matter what my W is doing or not doing likewise the kids and the house. What do we say, Life is 99% how we react to it. The fight is most vicious as the bell tolls. I have to keep pressing in and pushing forward. The old me is nearly dead and rising from those ashes like the Phoenix is a new me refined and forged in the furnace of the struggle.
I didn't really realize it this morning, but, when I came out and hugged my W and kissed her on the forehead, I wasn't operating in a needy reality, I was in a strong place, a place where I was giving her an opportunity to see what she is missing. She may choose to walk a different path, and if that happens, I will be sad. The old me would be devastated, because he needs her to be complete. The new me wants her or another woman as a compliment to his life and doesn't need her to make him complete.
I'm not there yet. I can't turn back now. I'm past the point of no return. I can't quit.
No, I needed this morning, but, now I need a new thread.
