Donna--finding herself Divorced #29

[Reincarnated]

I locked myself!

Can I get anyone some nice, cold ice tea? Mint from the garden, lemon and raspberries to stir in as you like... (sorry, its BYO shots to add!)

Just got an email from my date tonight. I'm pretty excited.

This is completely different from when I went out with that one guy before the D was complete....I think that was my destroyed ego reacting (I can see how WASs get sucked in). Looking back, I don't think it was the right thing to do. I am just lucky that I didn't get hurt, or hurt him. It was something that I never thought could be acceptable, and I would only be justifying behavior against my morals if I said it was. Both of us were reeling from break-ups, and talked more about our "others" than each other! One example of how far from sane I really was.

But this.....I am really looking forward to this date. This man's timeline for his R, M and D is very similar to mine. We share the same civic-mindedness. Our kids are close in age, and he is very involved with his. He reads, he is funny, and he is a gentleman. I'm not going into any expectations past tonight; I'm not looking for a new R.

But maybe I'll be stumbling into one...

****
Poor x. I had someone tell me yesterday:

"Hey, you got the house. You got cash back. You got some of the pension so you could catch up. You have physical custody of the kids, who are great and adjusting. You have your family. You have his parents. You have a career you love. You have activities that are meaningful to you."
Plus, I have the new-found introspection and connections to my spirituality, new friends, long-repressed issues being dealt with, new perspectives and priorities...

What does he have to compare with all that?
He walked away with little more than the clothes on his back, restricted time with the kids, everyone angry and disappointed in him, and a miserable girlfriend who is also committing adultery, spent years lying to those who loved her, and her screwed-up brood of four children. Stuff that all into a studio apt. above a garage.

And they are right. In a way, I am lucky that he D'd me. If he stayed with me but never wanted to work on the M and our R, what would I have, then? Stuck with someone who didn't value and love me. I am better off.

[cat03]

we dodged a cannon ball hon!

I wish stbx well but phew, what a mess he did with his life.

Good luck with the date, whohoo!!

raspberry tea please!

[klm]

Donna you sound so good. You have come a long way. I have been reading your posts from the beginning and you really sound like you are doing so well.

I identify with so many of the things you say and so it is encouraging for me to see how far you have come.

Have fun on the date!!! I am so excited for you!

[Reincarnated]

CR emailed me again about the date tonight. He is so cute (adding "T minus...). He gave me a list of idea for what to do after we eat. He writes really well, and I can't help but smile from ear to ear.

One of my students came in and said "Mrs. B must have read something that made her day today!" Sure did. I think I blushed.

[Reincarnated]

I had a GREAT time! We ate at the new "in" spot in the city where I teach. Then, we decided to hit a movie, which gave us time to go to the mall, which was holding my eyeglasses hostage (long story). I got good news--they are giving me a free pair!

We saw Stepbrothers, and just laughed through the whole thing, teasing each other that that would be our sons!

Then, we just drove around. He always opened the door for me, paid for the dinner and movie....just a gentleman. There was definite chemistry. We are going to get together again on Wed.

[NikB]

(((Donna))))

Wow you sound great!!

[FLTC]

Wow,

You XH hit the CT Lottery. What a home run! A girl friend with 4 kids AND a studio apartment above a garage! WOW! It doesn't get any better than that! Left a woman who loved him and the ability to see his kids every waking moment. Excellent judgment of what "HAPPY" means. Yep, that's once lucky man. Away from his own kids AND with a woman who has 4 of her own! Divorce IS AWESOME!!!!!

[Reincarnated]

Yep :0)

I think I needed to open myself up to possibilities of "alternative realities" to finally get past the mess.

Remember the movie Bull Durham? I think I was married to Nuke (Meat)....plenty of raw talent, but essentially a dumb a$$. Allowed himself to be molded by whoever happened to be in front of him at the moment. His thinking (when it rarely happened) always got him into more trouble.

Now, I am finding that there are Crashes out in the world.

My favorite line in the movie:

Crash Davis: Well, I believe in the soul, the c*ck, the p#ssy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

Maybe he will grow through this whole thing, develop his own beliefs. But there are grown-ups already out there.......what an interesting world I find myself in.

[NikB]

(((Donna)))

You sound great!!

[Reincarnated]

Hey, Nikki :0) It always makes me smile when you stop in. I hope things are going well for you, too.

I have to say, I've found a good way to have fun and meet new people. And I'm feeling pretty fearless.