aiming for a new me 11

[glamgirl]

Yes Dar just shift your perspective. Go to the zoo and enjoy life with D. Your life doesn't evolve around your h if you don't let it.

I have done so much with the kids without h. It's called doing things for your D while your h is gone and can't. Kind of like holding down the fort.

Your h will appreciate that one day!

[Maya44]

I emailed H and told him "Sunday is fine. See you around Noon then!" So hope that's okay. Seems like a simple enough reply to me.

[MidwesternGirl]

Yes, it is simple and non-threatening.

Good job!!

[Maya44]

He emailed back saying "Cool, I'll give a call later and we'll figure out what we're going to do then."

[MidwesternGirl]

Great. Let him make take the initiative for Sunday.

[glamgirl]

Good Dar. Now when he calls let him initiate convo and decide what to do for sunday. If he asks for your opinion then say it otherwise I usally ask h what he would like to do.

That way they feel in charge!

You are doing good!

[Maya44]

Thanks gals! Today's been good and I feel I'm finally learing something each and every day. NC, going dark, whatever you want to call it, hasn't been all that bad. We still talk (mostly via email and tm) but it's pretty much all business (D8). I just have to breathe and let him come to me and do the initiating.

[glamgirl]

Now when you you say all business not sure what you mean.

I know that when h and I did talk it was all about work or the kids. I called that business.

We never talked about us or R talk. Then foolish me if I did initiate R talk it all went bad anyway and h usually left in a huff.

Now we don't talk R talk either. I just let him lead the convos.

I do now and then throw in when are you moving home or something, but that I really need to bite my tongue on too, since the answer is not what I want anyway, so why bother to ask the ? expecting a different answer.

[Maya44]

When I say all business I'm referring to D, what she might need/want, her school stuff etc. Nothing M/R related at all.

[glamgirl]

That is fine Dar. In a way that is where it begins. As I mentioned for awhile that is all that h and I discussed.

You don't know what could blossom from there.