New Thread, new life, new happiness

[HopefultotheEnd]

I'm in one of my "wierd" places again. Not really sad or hurt but doubtful perhaps. I came home early last night from bike night, W and I planned out the weekend, I did share some things that are going on at work that are kinda serious (pre strike stuff), I listened to her vent about her new job and validated that I can understand how frustrating the accounting software she's using can be. She asked again about who I had on the back of my motorcycle, I jokingly brushed it off and said that I should start my video so I didn't stay up too late.

As she was leaving she playfully chided me for not waking her up the night she slept over, mentioning that she woke up with my arm around her. I reminded her that I did wake her, and that she asked me what time it was and then rolled over. I also told her the story about her pulling my arm around her, Not sure I should have but she smiled. Also not sure if I should have told her that I liked it but I did.

I was really animated and happy the whole evening. It had nothing to do with her, I just was in a pretty good mood. I even let a few things go that I could have commented on.

Her not remembering bothers me a little. In some ways it feels defeating. But I can't say that it's a huge deal.

She initiated a hug as she left and we were laughing as she went out the door. I could have kept my distance more, but I guess I wanted to try a hybrid approach, something new where I allow conversation to flow a little beyond the bare minumum. I don't want to talk to her about incidental stuff but I'm starting to feel that if the only things I talk to her about are money problems and childcare issues that she will begin to associate negative things to any contact with me. I still pretty much have no contact other than when we make arrangements or when I get home from one of "my" nights.

My biggest trouble with this is that she often mentions possible plans, sometimes including the name of OM#1 as if he's just a casual friend and it's totaly ok. So far I just redirect the convo to where it needs to be; Kids, finances, and work.

Today I made some realizations about myself and my thoughts and desires for the future...pretty interesting stuff. That's the source of my wierd mood today. (but I'll save it for another time.)