I finished reading that book "Love Must Be Tough" last night....I really found it helpful...I found myself though wishing i had done things differently.
My IC loaned me this book, and I've started reading it but haven't gotten too far yet. I'm not sure it is entirely consistent with DB principles, and I was wondering what other DBers think of it. Anyone?
Peace, Dawn
P.S. I think this may be my shortest post on this board EVER!
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
It's been a few years since I read it but I think Love Must Be Tough helps with being strong in dealing with a spouse that wants it both ways. Kissak's H is definitely an example of that and that's why I recommended the book for her. I do not think it is a book that everyone should apply to their sitch. As much as we all seem to deal with the same our sitchs are still very individual.
As long as I am here babbling I will also say that many of my prayers are offered while I hug my faithful dog or bury my face in the mane of my horse.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Dawn, I don't think the book is entirely on board with the DB ways, but I'm sure the DB way isn't the only way to live either. This is a good book to get you moving, get you stronger, see that there are other things you can do besides letting someone cake-eat/have both ways.
MWG, I'm doing okay. Little tired but all in all it should be a good day.
I will check back in with you throughout the day. I have to take D14 to school in a bit.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Okay, H emailed me before I left for lunch (about an hour ago). Said "Hey! Hope all is going well, I'm so sick of this place right now its not even funny. What are your planes for this weekend, we have a public safety that were are working on for the hurricane that is coming and I'm thinking it would be easier to do things on Sunday if that is ok, dinner also."
The things on Sunday he's referring to would be seeing D for the afternoon as he usually does on Saturdays.
I'm a bit upset about this because last weekend he told me that the plant is closed for the weekend b/c of Labor Day and now a public safety is being done?
I hate that I can't believe him.
Not sure if I should allow the change in days. I could've taken D to our family home in WI Sat after her visit with H, or gone Sunday - Monday even. Now if he sees her on Sunday, that's smack in the middle of the long weekend.
Plus, I think he's postponing it a day due to promising to go out to dinner with me. I don't like this back and forth at all! I want to be a kind and understanding wife, but I don't want to be taken for granted either!
i know there are two hurricane threats in the USA. one they say is poised to hit New Orleans and the other up near Florida.
is it possible that he is telling the truth?
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Dar you need to let it go. Don't let it upset you. When you have NO expectations life becomes so much easier.
So it's not that you don't believe him, but that you have NO expectations. That is something you can work on later.
Even if you don't agree, he will probably still do what he wants so you see don't allow yourself the upset.
Just simply say ok see you on Sunday and then plan your days without h or if it really doesn't work for you then say oh I will be out of town this weekend see you next week or something like that.
Dar the key is you still control your life and don't waste any thoughts on what your h is or is not doing. You can't control him.
It's called letting go and moving forward.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
It will eat you alive if you don't let it go. And yes, I admit I have had my doubts as well with regard to my H but each time, before he comes over, I ask God to clear my head, give me just the right words and attitude to deal with H on any given day.
You probably think I am Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde but God does help me to get over the anger and help me to act according to the way God has intended me to carry on.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I'm not sure what plant is being threatened with the hurricane so I wouldn't know if it was true or not anyway. It just bugs me that I used to trust his every word and now I 2nd guess him.
I just don't know what to say in response to his email. I guess I could do as GG suggests and say "okay, see you on Sunday then" and be accepting of that fact. Because really, D and I don't HAVE to go to WI. I was thinking of going to the zoo with her this weekend anyway, so we'll just do that on Saturday now.
