After the very nice anniversary week (last week), it was probably predictable that we've have a lull or dip this week. My wife and I have one notable role-reversal from that described in John Gray's M/V books, in that I tend to be the one that craves frequent connection (particularly physical, both non-sexual and sexual), while my wife tends to be the one who "rubber band's": pulling away for a time, and then coming back. So following the high level of connection and intimacy last week, I'm not surprised that this week she needed to pull away and distance herself again, both emotionally and physically.
I may 'get it' now, but I still don't like it, especially when it occurs while I'm on a nice 'afterglow' high from the previous week. What lovemaking we did attempt this week fell completely flat, which just makes me feel worse and more disconnected.
So, on the advice of our counselor, I'm giving her some space for a few days, and doing some GALing for myself. In particular, I need to break out of my 'lone wolf' habits and seek out new friends and more frequent interactions with existing ones. It's advice I should have given myself really: stop making my wife my one and only best friend -- which puts all the pressure on her to provide me with the connections that I crave -- and start letting some other folks into my life as best friends too. And yeah, before someone mentions it: this is a typical "Nice Guy" symptom, this 'lone wolf' tendency of mine.
Time to push myself out of the 'comfort zone' more and, like, talk to strangers and stuff....
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
