Is he starting to come home?

[No Longer BH]

Ok, so last night I made a goal that I wanted H to IM me at some point today. He has rarely done that in the last 2 years and yesterday was the first time in 6 months. I had not been logged on more than 15 min when he contacted me. Yeah, babystep!

We chatted for a couple of min. He wanted to know how I was and how son was. After I answered these quetions in a very upbeat and friendly manner, and thanked him for attending last night, I said I had to go but I hope you have a great weekend. Then I made it look like I logged off. See, I ended it first also. Another plus for me.

I had a friend tell me yesterday that she thought I was crazy to keep my hope up. She could not understand why I would want to "hang on" to someone who did not want me and had an A. My responce was that I was not hanging on, I was having faith that he would come back. I do not NEED H, but want him in my life. I now have that, even though it is not to the degree that I would want, it is a positive. As far as him not wanting me, I told her that I felt the signs were different. He left me while in a ton of emotional pain. When he thinks of that pain, I am also pictured there with it. I am trying to change that image so that I am there during happy times as well. His protective side is what made him leave, but the side of him that is still in love is what is making him reach out. Everyday there is a battle going on in his head - I want to love but I dont want to be hurt. FOr so long all I saw was the distance, now I am seeing him reach out to me again. To me, this just means that the loving side is winning, but on those times he is pulling back or talking about D, its the protective side trying to take over. Hope that makes sence to everyone.

Here is my next goal. Tomorrow is my birthday. H will be coming over at 11 am to get son, then I am going to leave to spend the night with friends and come home on Sunday. My next goal is that H buys me a birthday card. Nothing loving or anything like that, just a small gesture to acknowledge me on my birthday. If it does not happen, thats fine, if it does, then that is a big step!