Ok so I was having a great time until...and this is where I need some desperate help!
I told XH on Monday when I told him I was going out on Thursday that I'd be home around 10 or 10:30pm. I was telling eveyone that I had to leave very soon when I got a message at 10:14 saying "This is fuckin' abusive! You should have told me you were staying late. I would have taken D with me tonight to my parents". I didn't hear my ringer so at that time so at 10:23 I get "If I don't hear from you in 1 sec., I'm taken D" I respinded ASAP "I'll be there in 10 minutes. Is that ok?" To which he reponded "No...leaving with D...you can stay out all you wat now!". I told him "I told you I'd be back 10 or 10:30" To which I got now response. I tried calling his phone and it was off.
Now what????
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
3 times in 7 months that I go out and ask him to take care of D and llok what happens! I know 1 time I said I'd be back at 7 and showed up at 11 pm. But I'm with D every night and he can go or do whatever he likes and I can ask NOTHING!!!!!
I'm pissed...help.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I totally get why you are pissed off and I don't blame you, but do NOT do anything that is going to take you backwards in your progress. My advice is for you to let this go for right now. Text him and say you are home now but understand he has already taken D so you'll see him tomorrow. When you do see him simply say you are confused as to why he was so upset when you told him you would be home between 10 and 10:30 and the texts you received from him were before that. Say you apologize if somehow there was a communication problem but it wasn't your intent to "abuse" the agreement you had with him to watch D.
Now....here is the thing.....I don't know but it seems like he is jealous and is probably worried about what you're doing at the club. I would really downplay this and make him feel like a dumbass for overreacting...just tell him you are really surprised that he reacted the way he did....stay calm no matter what...he won't know what hit him....let him be the irrational, reactive one for once.
I totally agree with CW. It often feels like these WAHs try to "bait us". I actually think anger is a sign of something more, and I think CW is spot on with the jealousy explanation. You did nothing wrong, and logically I'm sure he knows this. The calmer you are, the more he'll just question his own actions. He may also feel more comfortable in general opening up to you about other things, as he will see how calm and collected you are.
Sorry you had to deal with this, but really I think the emotion is a positive sign,
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I also chatted with Jeff for a few minutes and he said the same thing you guys did. Basically I'm going to ignore what he was upset about. I did nothing wrong and made it a point of telling him Monday that I'd be home around 10 or 10:30pm. His not remembering is my fault? Ok fine I could have reminded him today but since I'm going dark/dim right now why would I have reminded him.
I think he was jealous and as Jeff said maybe his life isn't as exciting as he'd like me to believe. In 3 times there have been seen or unseen problems...1) the first time I arrived later than promised, 2) the second he claimed he thought it was am and not pm then proceeded to call his friend to bitch that I didn't "consult" with him 3) and tonight where I'm sure it's that I didn't tell him what time I'd be home but I know I told him a good estimate and he said ok...he'll think he's right of course
Last edited by JenInVen; 08/29/0806:15 AM.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I'm sorry I wasn't around. We didn't get back from the dunes until late and went straight to bed.
Before I offer advice, how did the night end up?
Btw, I do agree with being calm and not taking the anger bait. That would be a 180 for you, a change in how you handle things. And you were not doing anything wrong.
Hi Amy! Don't worry! I WAS having a great time until I got the message. He could have sent me a message saying "what time will you be back?" or "I don't remember what time you said you'd be back" But no I get accused of being abusive!
I'm not going to bring it up at all today. I'm not playing his game. Because that's all it is really a childish game. I told him I'd be home in 10 minutes and that wasn't good enough. I felt that he was actually trying to get me to react to ruin my night. It didn't work. This isn't the first time he's gotten upset either to my face or to a friend when I wasn't available. His friend laughs at it because he says "yeah right J doesn't want anything to do with Jen!
Frustrating!
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
