Cupid's Arrows

[Concerned_Listener]

Piecing Friends,
My W is anxious about her chronic cough. She fears that it is too late to quit smoking. She has diagnosed herself with COPD, and worries that it is not reversible. I told her that the best option is to quit, and see how far her body will heal. I hate to see her suffer, however I know that there has to be a catalyst for her to change, and it will likely be uncomfortable.

She also mentioned that she thinks of her life as a failure. We were in the car on the way to dancing, so didn't pursue it further.

She hired a maid to do some housecleaning today, as she is stressed by our failure to keep up with it. She also is going to hire a lawn service to do some work, as she doesn't like the quality of my work.

We joined a small group afterwards at a restaurant to socialize. I've decided that I'm going to work on being more comfortable with letting others see the imperfections of our M--namely her complaining and passive-aggressive comments.

A peer commented that I was very patient with her, after she complained that I didn't prepare her salad the way she wanted, that we shared. Of course the goal isn't to be a victim, and to play an innocent role. Rather, it's to work on detachment, and to enjoy myself in a group, when my W is present. If she's on poor behavior, I can distance myself, and enjoy other's company. My guess is that she wants me to be embarrassed by her comments.

My guess is that she's not going to be able to triangle people into validating her complaints about me, as they see me as a good guy who takes his W dancing and patiently tolerates his W's poor behavior.

She did cheer up after we got to the dance venue, and afterwards at the city square to watch the political convention speech. I had a good time, in spite of her mental lapse.

Our connection to the dance community continues to broaden and deepen. Social connection is a balm to daily stressors.

CL