Hey Red--it sounds to me that you are both recognizing and trying to react differently to conflicts. Outstanding!
Balancing your need to process and let go of his past actions with his need to feel forgiven is tricky. I try to make a real effort to not bring it up--just share my feelings and not go too far into the 'whys'. And to focus on what needs to be focused on today. H can't ever take away the hurt he caused me. Bringing it out to examine every time I'm feeling emotional will only hold us back. And...once I realized it really was *my* issue to deal with, it's been easier to let go.
I understand the feeling disfunctional. My S4 is refusing to use the toilet 7 times out of 10, and I've gone crazy at least that many times a day just dealing with little kids. Love them, happy to be their mom, but little kids just take it out of you. Throw in the quitting smoking thing (good for you, btw!), and it's a ton to deal with.
You're right to vent, take deep breaths and start over. I know you're feeling discouraged, but keep on keeping on. And don't be so hard on yourself--you're doing the best you can!
I know you're feeling discouraged, but keep on keeping on. And don't be so hard on yourself--you're doing the best you can!
