Any WAHs on this board?

[istherehope]

Hi NHF,

Thanks for this, so I will ask some questions...

Basically my husband is really depressed, as in he was nearly suicidal, but he says that he is now coming out of his depression, only thing is he is so terrified to be with me again, and says that it was just so bad he doesn't know if he can go back there, and he doesn't know if he will want to be married when he's out of this. It makes him panic to think of being in the same house with me...

I've moved away for 3 months, and it has been 4 weeks so far, during which time he's started to feel better about himself, but has pulled back for the relationship more and more. Yesterday he was so open (and hurtful) about how he's feeling. I told him that I was committed to the marriage, and even if it took a year, I didn't mind. The usual I want you to be happy, and I can't pretend to feel one way thing came up...he said he hasn't closed the door on the marriage, but it sure feels that way. However he did say that he missed me on one small occasion, and he did reach out yesterday and I know he cares about my feelings still.

So, from a WAH perspective, I'm just wondering what this "I don't know if I can be married" thing is all about. He said that he didn't know if he had anything to give or receive, even when I said I would be willing to wait as a friend and a roommate while he worked on himself.

Also, why the panic about being around someone? For the last 6 weeks we have gotten along well, not argued, and he believes that I have changed in the ways he wanted me to, or so he says.

Just wondering how it is possible to get someone off of the fence, from a hesitant "trying not to close the door completely", to a semi-committed at least showing a preference to try. I'm also wondering why a WAH would say such things, when it is clear that he still cares about me, at times misses me, and even likes me.

Finally, if he has that ILYBNILWY feeling (I assume this, he hasn't said it in so many words), how does someone decide to try and get it back?

Is there anything that I can do toward any of these things?

Thanks so much for any insight,

ITH