Thank you for thinking of me yesterday. I hoped you would be. H didn't get me a card or gift, or suggest coming home, so it was a good idea to keep expectations low. Apologies in advance for the length of this post.
So we went for tea to begin with and then some drinks. At the first bar, H brought up a TV program that had recently been on about tinkies (ladies bits in case that's my own terminology!) and asked if I'd seen it. We talked about that for a while, my tinky, what his idea of the perfect tinky was and various other slightly scientifically focussed tinky and willy talk. We also talked about H planning a haircut. I am too, and then I asked him whether he could see any nice hair on girls around the bar. He said no, so I jokingly pointed at my own hair expecting him to say something about it, but instead he touched it, which was unexpected, but nice.
As we walked to another bar we went into a shop together and looked at football kit, and also at shoes. It was nice going into shops together- we haven't done that in over a year.
At the next bar the tinky and willy conversation came up again and we talked about different words for tinkies, willies and melons, a bit about porn and porn star names and then a bit about s*x. All general conversation, but it was interesting to be talking about that for so long.
Finally we went to dinner at a nice French restaurant which is on the site of a place H and I went to when we first started seeing each other. H hadn't booked, so we had to wait for a while until they called to let him know theey had a table. When they called H showed me the missed call on his phone, and right under that was the aubergine's name. I'm not sure when she called him, but it make me feel SICK!!
The food was nice and we talked a bit more about s*x (what it was like the first time and so on). H teased me about my choice of dinner (I had peas on the side, and he hates them). We tasted each other's dinners. H didn't feed me, but let me feed him mine. Then had tea and as we were drinking it sat with one hands interlinked.
H paid and I said thankyou. Then he mentioned being bored at work tomorrow (which is today) and I suggested we have lunch, me paying. He nodded and smiled, and then we left the restaurant. At this point we must have both been pretty drunk because H took me the wrong way to the tube and we ended up having to walk a mile to the right bus stop. Being drunk, I asked H if we were going to his or mine, and he said both. H waited with me at the bus stop for my bus to come, which was sweet, but at one point I got a bit sad and tearful. H also was sad and a bit tearful, but not that much and it passed quickly. We stood at the bus stop in a hug or holding both hands and when my bus arrived I gave H a kiss on the lips and then left. H said he'd see me tomorrow (which is today) for lunch.
On the way home we exchanged a couple of texts. I felt pretty sad because H didn't initiate a kiss, and he said he was happy these days. I guess that means things with the aubergine are going well, and I was worried and upset thinking that maybe he just pities me and sees me because of that. If he's happy I just think I should step away and leave him to it......
Anyway, this morning he sent me an e-mail saying how he feels really rough, and not much like being at work. I've replied agreeing on the rough feelings and asking if he's still on for lunch. He's just replied saying yes, and continuing a conversation about melons we had yesterday.
I guess the positives are - we had an evening in which the conversation was the kind of conversation you might have with someone you fancy but have not openly declared your feelings for (I don't think I've ever really had that kind of conversation with any other male friend). - H held my hand all the way along our long walk and we held hands at dinner, - we mirrored each other and spoke easily. There was good (ish) eye contact - when H and I hugged each other at the bus stop it was a close and comfortable hug. H kissed me on the head twice - H followed up the evening by making contact with me this morning - H continues to plan activities for himself (football and some volunteer work), so he's getting his life back in order. That's really good for him. And H says he's happy. That's also really good I suppose (unless it means he's happy with the aubergine, in which case that's pants)
((((guys)))) thanks to anyone who made it through this gargantuan post. I'm not sure what to do now- just keep going and be patient, I suppose.
