As we move forward

[TRUSTING]

Have a wonderful holiday

[mandyloo]

following the phonecall, I did tell her that I do put son's old sim card in my phone now and again to check if he as any missed calls or messages from his so called father, remember that is the only line of contact they have. Low and behold, and yes I am aware it was son's birthday and maybe a little extra guilt as gone in the camp, ex actually sent son a picture message, only thing is I cannot download it on my phone so went an computer to see it, dont know what I did but I lost it before viewing it, oh dear, well it as taken him 16 months above to actually send him a message or any contact at all, I am sure if he does want to start contacting son he will send more. also another strange thing, remember ex's old auntie that thought the world of son and I and vice versa, she stopped contacting us, 16 months ago, hasn's seen son for 18 months, well apparently she asked wifey for sons cell number and she left son a voicemail telling him how much she loves him and thinks about him everyday, hope his birthday was a lovely day and for him to ring her when he as time. maybe as I say it was the fact that it was son's birthday, we'll carry on down the road and see if anything else happens, I won't be telling son about these calls until we have been on holiday. and by the way that is TONIGHT,I an so looking forward to it, I am like a little child that as never been on holiday before.

[Truelove]

Hi Mandyloo,
I hope that your son and his father will be friends one day. Let your son choose what kind of R he wants with his father.

I know from experience that boys suffer very much from being rejected by their fathers, and if they can mend it the better.

I know somebody who did not get on well at all with his father, and when the father died he was devastated. A friend then told me that it was because they could never have the relationship anymore the son always wanted. I am sure you will make the right decision.

I bet you are excited to go on holiday. You deserve it so much. Have a lovely time and a nice son's birthday. (((HUGS))

[mandyloo]

so folks here I am back from our holidays and we have had the most fantastic time, sun sea sand and a lot of quality time together just me and son, brilliant. I did manage to retrieve the message that ex sent to son on his birthday and I am going to post it and ask for your view, any positive or negative I don't mind.
"Hi son, happy birthday, I hope you are well I'd love to see you and I want you to know that I love you and that I am sorry I haven't been in contact, I've been thinking about you all the time and I miss you. I don't want you to think that any of this is your fault it isn't it is all my fault, and I want to make it better if possible, I would love to see you, I promise I won't come to your school or your house but don't know how to see you, please help me mate x I know you are angry with me, please let me see you, I have made a massive mistake in not keeping in contact, and if you agree to talk we can take it at your pace just you and me, and I promise promise I will never lose contact with you again. Also say thank you to your mum. I have a card from auntie and a card and present from me but didn't know how to get them to you I also still have all your christmas presents here for you when you are ready to have them x sending you all the sorry's in the world and all my love always happy birthday love dad xxx"
so go on folks give me your views

[mandyloo]

sorry forgot to say, I didn't intend telling son about this until we returned from holiday, unfortunately he was in my email account whilst we were away and saw it, I have to say he was very calm and he said I know dad as sent you an email, I sat and talked to him about it and his response was good, I told him at the end of the day he is still his dad, and if he wants a relationship with him that is fine with me, I told him it was completely up to him how he handles this and I am not getting involved but the one thing I did ask was for him to not let dad hurt him again. son said that once dad as handed his money over he will think about contacting him, but it must be on his terms and no way at all does he want to have anything to do with his new wifey, son said that was the problem before dad was always tricking him into seeing and being with her, well lets just hope dad has learned his lesson.

[mandyloo]

I am surprised that I havent received any comments on the letter from father to son, either negative or positive. my own personal view is that it was a guilt trip for son's birthday. the call I got from new wifey I think was a cry for help from her because maybe they are doing a bit of bickering about him not seeing his son and also the fact that they have been together 3 and half years nearly now. just wanted some views folks, whether you agree with me or not,

[braveheart]

Mandy, I think you are doing the right thing by letting your son make up his own mind. I am quite certain that he is deeply hurt and wounded by how his father has behaved through all of this. It cracks me up how these people abandon thier children because they won't have anything to do with thier new girlfriends or boyfriends.

[Truelove]

Hi Mandyloo,
Thanks for posting on my thread. I am amazed that you were still checking the BB on your holiday. I also have periods when I feel drawn to the BB to check on others.

I am happy for you that you had such a good time with your son on your holiday. You deserved it so much after what you went through. I hope for you that things will get better for you and your son.

It is interesting that your H is finally waking up a bit. He seems to notice that something is missing in his life.

I agree with braveheart and also think you are doing the right thing by letting your son decide if he wants to have contact with his father. I think though that he should keep in touch with him. It is very important for a boy to have contact with the father. I am sure your son will make the right decision.

Have a good and peaceful week. (((HUGS)))

[job]

Mandy,
Your son is one smart cookie. I think it is rather odd that he's contacting your son now that you are attempting to get the account turned over to your name. It seems a shame if your son's father is trying to manipulate/control the outcome of that account by being friendly w/your son. I think your son is very wise in knowing that he wants that money and then he'll consider contacting him or not. Your son has been put through entirely too much emotional upheaval over the years and especially the last year by this man. I do think you are wise in allowing your son to make up his own mind about what, if any, contact he will have w/his father.

Is he waking up? It's hard to say, but from where I'm sitting, it's desperation for contact...but the million dollar questions are why now? and what does he hope to gain from this contact? I do hope he's sincere in wanting to be a part of his son's life. I'm sorry if I put a damper on this scenario, but something just doesn't sound right w/the timing of things.

Mandy, stay strong and keep your eyes and ears open. This isn't over by any means.

Hugs to you and your son.

[tpaschal]

sorry forgot to say, I didn't intend telling son about this until we returned from holiday, unfortunately he was in my email account whilst we were away and saw it, I have to say he was very calm and he said I know dad as sent you an email, I sat and talked to him about it and his response was good, I told him at the end of the day he is still his dad, and if he wants a relationship with him that is fine with me, I told him it was completely up to him how he handles this and I am not getting involved but the one thing I did ask was for him to not let dad hurt him again. son said that once dad as handed his money over he will think about contacting him, but it must be on his terms and no way at all does he want to have anything to do with his new wifey, son said that was the problem before dad was always tricking him into seeing and being with her, well lets just hope dad has learned his lesson.

Mandy,

I can't remember if I've posted to you before, but I've followed your story for a while.

It is a very good idea to leave it up to your Son whether he wants to contact his dad or not. I know you are very worried that Son will get hurt again, but be careful that you don't discourage your Son or put him on a guilt trip about it if he does want to contact his dad. Don't worry that he will end up having a great relationship with his dad and ignore you. That will never happen. Even if Son does make some kind of relationship with his dad, he will never forget the past, and he will always know what a great mom you are and how you are ALWAYS there for him, not just when it's convenient.

Could your son send his dad an email? Maybe say something like, "Dad, got your message. I hope you are sincere, but please understand that I have a hard time believing what you say. Please give me and mom the money in my account as we have asked, and that will go a long way toward helping me believe you are sincere. Thanks, Son."

Your x's reply might at least give you an idea of whether or not he is being sincere in wanting to have a relationship with Son, or if he is just being manipulative to try to convince Son to forget about the money.

I don't know if it's a good idea or not, maybe someone else has an opinion?