Something lost and never seen....

[lost_in_space]

(((Corey)))

Gee - I was referring to my small mind...

I agree - may as well laugh because cannot do anything else.

[Sugar and Spice]

GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! It has just been one of those nights. DS had football practice tonight and it was also back to school night for him. Hes in Jr. High so I was supposed to visit all of his classes and sit through each little speech. The school ALWAYS asks that you not bring the kids (the ones that attend or younger ones). I realize that some people don't have any other option, but I do.... So I ask H to watch/hang out with DD so I can go and he agrees but bitches about it. Why can't you take her, thats just stupid, etc....

So he takes DS so practice and I was going to pick up DD and bring her home before I went to the school. I get to daycare to get her and as we are leaving, my car won't start...great. So I call H. We live about a mile from the school and it takes him 10 minutes to get there (it was 104, so I was hot and bitchy...a winning combo!) So he gets there and jumps the battery on my car and then goes back to the house. I go back to the house too and not even thinking, pulled into the garage and turned the car off. NOT MY FINEST DECISION, but it was done.

So OF COURSE the car won't turn back over and H comes out of the house and just goes off. "Why did you do that?" "How stupid are you?" Just really being an ass. So I tell him that I don't need this [censored] and to leave, I'll figure it out myself. Oh no, he is going to help me. He find and hooks up a portable battery charger to the car and of course it doesn't really work. He keeps going out to the car to check the battery and every time he comes back in the house he lays the keys down in a different spot. Then gets pissed and yells because they aren't - On the bed, in the car, on the counter, etc... wherever he thinks he left them...so he yells. Then he decides he is going to go and buy me a battery (which I TOTALLY appreciate, because I don't have but about $30.00 to my name.)

He goes to buy the battery and then calls to let me know I just cost him $100.00 and how do I expect him to be able to pay the insurance when I'm costing him money? Are you F*CKING SERIOUS? He loans that fat ass Troll money ALL the TIME and I never ask for ANYTHING, and this is the [censored] I get? So I told him that I don't cost him anything and he throws in my face the $1800.00 a month he is paying me....I just lost it. I told him that I was sorry he hadn't made better decisions, that I was sorry he married me and that his bad choice then is costing him $$ now. BTW...the $1800.00 he pays covers my house payment (it went up significantly when we added all of his gambling debts into our re-fi.) and most of the cell phone bill (so he pays to keep in touch with his nasty whore!) There is nothing left after that. The rest I pay by myself and I never ask him for anything. I pay for it myself or go without while he gambles and spends money left and right.
So he is putting the battery in my car and just acting like an ass to me. Being very disrespectful and mean and when I start to cry he just gets worse. It just really hurt. This is not something I did, but he acted like it was. Apparently the old battery was still under warranty, so then there was the whole discussion about how if I hadn't been stupid and put the car in the garage I could have taken it out to Honda and gotten a new battery out there (free or cheaper...they pro-rate it so I'm pretty sure it would have been about the same.) Whatever, so now I have to hear about how I cost him $100.00

The battery finally gets put in and the car works, so I tell him that it would be nice if we could learn a different way to handle situations like that and he basically just shuts me down. Thats just the way we are with stuff like that and we can't learn any other way, etc... So I went to back to school night and he went and got DS and took him home and left. He called a couple of times and he was telling me how he wasn't mad or anything that I shouldn't take it personally, that when he gets frustrated thats just how he acts. Which is true, but it needs to change. You abuse someone else because you are frustrated? I have seen his mom do it to him so many times and he hates it, but its ok when he does it to someone else.

I also had a beer in the fridge and was going to drink it (I have earned it) and he had poured it out. F*CKER!!!!

I'm mad and I'm hurt. I don't know what to do. This really puts a crimp in my ability to act "as if" and try to just be a friend because he really just pissed me off and hurt my feelings.

Just needed to vent!

Oh and one of his comments while he was here was "Now you owe me $100.00." My thought was...well I can't type most of it, but I'm pretty sure he can just whistle for his $100.00 - we'll call it even.

[badcompany]

if there is anything I can do short of sending a SCUD missile his way, let me know.

[hopeful4her]

Suga, your H needs a good old fashioned ass beatin'! What kind of f*ck head speaks to his wife like that?

You just don't deserve to be treated like that. That dude is ill.

I just deleted a lot of what I wrote, but man am I pissed for you.

He should be glad that he is there, and I am here.

And then you come here and help others like me. You are a special person, suga.

[MichelleLT]

Hmm. Good thing I don't live THAT close to you!

While I can totally sympathize with both your frustrations, him mouthing off like that is just so beyond wrong. He sure was pushing all your buttons wasn't he?

((((((Corey)))))))

[hopeful4her]

Morning H4H bear hug!

(((((((suga buga))))))))

Gonna make it a GREAT day!

[karen43]

I go back to the house too and not even thinking, pulled into the garage and turned the car off. NOT MY FINEST DECISION, but it was done.

Sorry for your rough night!!!! That totally sounds like something I would do or most of us I think. A lot of times with stuff like that we just do it on automatic pilot (I think 80% of our driving or something like that) and you are just used to doing that and it's almost impossible to not do that I think.

Also, from what you are saying it sounds like this stuff was about your H. He started out the evening upset or in a bad mood saying "that's just stupid" etc. and something was going on with him, not so much you I think so maybe he was venting some anger or frustration or stress out on you?

Also, I am probable overly sensitive to this, but when he calls you stupid I think you should call him directly on that, you know that's verbal abuse, and you should tell him that's not appropriate or acceptable and you won't let him do that. Enforce your boundaries and all that.... ((((Corey)))))

[Sugar and Spice]

(((Bad Company, H4H & Karen))) Thanks. Yesterday was a really bad day, but looking back, I'm actually proud of myself because for most of his rant I was just quiet. In the past I would have tried to defend myself or whatever and I just let him act like an ass and just looked at him like he was a child having a tantrum.

Also, from what you are saying it sounds like this stuff was about your H. He started out the evening upset or in a bad mood saying "that's just stupid" etc. and something was going on with him, not so much you I think so maybe he was venting some anger or frustration or stress out on you?

Karen, I'm certainly not going to try and defend his actions or words but ultimately I know wherever that came from yesterday, it was not about me. I'm sure whatever the cause was really had nothing to do with me, but I was there and an easy target... Its not my job to figure it out, nor is it my job to fix it. I do know he has a lot on his plate right now and I'm sure that doesn't help, but its also a good lesson in reaping what you sow.

Also, I am probable overly sensitive to this, but when he calls you stupid I think you should call him directly on that, you know that's verbal abuse, and you should tell him that's not appropriate or acceptable and you won't let him do that. Enforce your boundaries and all that

Its not being over sensitive. He was way out of bounds and I am many things, but stupid is not one of them. I made a mistake, but it was an honest mistake. The stupid thing really didn't bother me as much as him just making everything personal...it just wasn't called for. I guess that one of my first goals will be to set and enforce better boundaries where it concerns the way I allow him to talk to me.

Thanks again guys. I just have to look at it like this...its gotta SUCK to be him.

[lost_in_space]

(((S&S)))

Sounds like you are better today. Good to see. Let's try and keep that going for the weekend - ok?

PS - him not being there with you when he could be... I agree - IT MUST SUCK TO BE HIM!

[MichelleLT]

Sounds like you are doing good!

Glad you were able to do a 180 yesterday on how you reacted.

Also glad you aren't letting his comments/anger affect you. Cuz you ain't stupid!